The stress diet

I was shocked when I stepped on the scale this morning. Me with my frizzed bed hair, my puffy swollen throat and my red sore nose, all hunched over and pathetic like, I stepped onto the bathroom scale. Clothed in only my stretch marks and scars, I gasped when I saw what it read. 188 pounds. Three weeks ago I weighed in at 203 lbs.

I would say that this is the time I've lost weight the fastest. I guess that's what happens when you vomit several times per day and are shaking too badly to eat anything. My first week went with me eating virtually nothing. There were days I didn't even manage to get down an 8 oz glass of water, other days I managed to force a spoon full or two of food down my throat. It was horrid, probably one of the most nerve wracking times in my life. The second week I was managing to eat almost half as much food at each meal as my children would eat. This third week I am actually eating as much if not a tiny bit more than my children now.

In 3 and a half weeks I have lost 15 lbs. I would not suggest trying this, as it is about the unhealthiest way to loose weight I can think of besides purging after every meal. I don't feel very good either. I have been really tired and weak and have not been sleeping very well either. My motivation has really sunk through the floor.

Now that I've begun eating a little better, I got sick! Yesterday morning I felt like I had tried to swallow steel wool and razor blades the way my throat felt. I did nothing besides lie on the couch and try to drink lots of hot liquids. My throat was all red and swollen and it only got worse as the day went on. By last evening the mucous had started sliding down my throat making things worse. Blowing my nose produced bright yellow snot...not exactly a good sign. I've always been told that any other color besides clear means a doctor visit...but seriously, like I can afford that right now. If it turns green or bloody then I'll think about going in for it. A little sinus infection never hurt anybody...right? he ha, lets hope it doesn't get worse.

Last night I had fever dreams...ugh, they were horrid. I dreamt I was homeless and living in a shelter, only it looked like it had been taken straight from a Mad Max movie. I walked outside and was going to go to town to find a job, when bugs started biting me. I looked at my right arm and there was a beetle looking thing trying to burrow into my skin. I squeezed it out like a bad zit and as I did it released some yellowish looking foam onto me. The yellow stuff bubbled up on my skin then did like acid and burned a bloody hole through my skin exposing muscle and bone. I looked over at my left arm and saw all these huge bloody sores and I could see the bugs buried deep within them. Then the yellowish foam was released again and it started burning all the flesh off my arm leaving ragged hunks of hide and destroyed muscle with bone exposed. I screamed and woke up.

The dream had been incredibly vivid and lifelike. When I woke up I was lying in a puddle of sweat in the sheets. I was shaking and really upset still. All my worst nightmares have bugs or worms in them. I think the only one I've had worse than this one was the dream where maggots were crawling around underneath my skin and doctors had to cut my skin off and scrape all the maggots off of me. Why do I have dreams like this? Couldn't I just have normal dreams? After last night I can't believe I was complaining about the sex dreams I had about my husband. I'll take those over nightmares any night. Ick...ick, ick ick. Bug dreams suck.

I have so much to do, so many people to call. I have been avoiding talking though, with my throat as sore as it is. I have some numbing cough drops, but I hate using them because then I'm worried about what damage I'm doing to myself while numbed. I got a summons for jury duty...of all the freakin' times to get it, why the hell does it have to be now? I know they won't pick me, the whole my husband being arrested for a crime against me thing...but still, why do I have to go in for them to tell me they don't want me? My mom wants me to call and talk to the court house, but I've been putting it off. I have a serious thing against talking on the phone to people that aren't friends or family. I get that from my dad, no secret there that he hates talking over the phone too.

It is weird to think that I only have 38 pounds left until I reach my goal for weight. I've lost 47 pounds so far since I first started dieting at the beginning of this calender year. 8 more pounds and I'll weigh what I did when I got pregnant the first time. 150 is what I was when I met my husband and got married, 125 when I was in high school, but that was underweight for my height. I think 150 is a good goal weight for me, it is the healthy weight for a woman 5'8" with average bone structure after all. Once I reach 150 I'll see how I feel and if I need to tone up or build muscle then I will. Right now I'm not worrying about it too much.

I am sick and feeling like crap...think I'll go take a nap for a couple hours until my daughter gets home from preschool. I had better be over this by the weekend...I will be uber pissed if I can't go visit my folks and get my kitten.

Knitting while I watch Ah! My Goddess?

I am one to favor two kinds of anime, the violent stuff, or the crudely funny stuff. And here I am, watching a romance comedy anime like Ah! My Goddess. What is wrong with me? Seriously, I have no clue. What is worse is that I've actually been enjoying it! I guess I have watched a little bit of Tenchi Muyo, but that was because of Ryoko because I liked her character. Ah! My Goddess is funny at times, and that's what has me watching it. I don't really go for the romance stuff, especially when it comes to anime or tv. I usually just get bored with them. Oh well, right? I might abandon waiting for my husband for watching Bleach. I am about a month behind as the show airs in Japan, and it is bugging the heck out of me. (I would suggest anyone wanting to watch the Japanese Bleach, download it from www.dattebayo.com as their subtitling is excellent and they get the new shows out within a day. You do need a bit torrent client however, and for that I would suggest utorrent. Some people see this as pirating, I however don't consider watching a tv show as pirating. To me it is the same thing as recording a tv show so you can watch it later.) He never has time to watch it though, and I'm not supposed to watch it without him. Maybe I'll follow his personal philosophy of act now, apologize later. I will continue to hold out, and hopefully the next season of the Sopranos comes in the mail from Netflix today.

I like to watch dvds of tv shows and anime while I crochet or knit. I am current working a baby blanket that is experienced level, so I have to pay attention to what I'm doing with it, but for easy patterns I can do it without even looking. The whole purl 1, knit 1, repeat, is pretty easy. The worst thing I've done while knitting and watching tv was to drop a stitch, but I've become pretty good at knitting repairs. That's what happens when you make a lot of mistakes :( My favorite show to watch while knitting or crocheting would have to be Star Trek: the Next Generation. I've seen most of the shows before at one point or another during my childhood. So the shows become more of a reminder or refresher than anything else.

The website is back up now, so I was able to get a link to the baby blanket I am making. I am making it in a different color though. I picked a really light pastel purple for the little girl. I want to make a powder blue one in case I have a baby boy someday. It is such a pretty baby blanket, I was thinking about making one for each of my girls, even though they are too old for baby blankets. I just thought maybe they could have them for their babies someday, if they choose to have children. If that doesn't happen, then they could always just have them for a token from their childhoods. The other project I'm working on is a knit shrug, and I think it is going to be beautiful. I am making it in the "Gothic" color which is a dark purple. The yarn is super soft and easy to work with. I don't have the shrug part done yet, but I've been focusing most of my craft time on the baby blanket. I had wanted to make it in the "Lagoon" color because the woman I am making it for wears a lot of blues and dark blues look really nice on her. I hope she's fine with purple though, as the Lagoon color was sold out in every store I checked. I guess I wasn't the only one who thought it was a beautiful color.

I have stopped taking the Alli pills now. The bottle ran out, and while I think they helped, they didn't help enough to be worth $60 each month. I am back onto using Slim Quick, which I have used in the past. I like it and it seems to help me to take a pill, even if I get a placebo effect from it. I bought one box of the "Cleanse" pills, and one box of the regular Slim Quick. I think after I am done with both boxes I will try the "Extreme" version, since I am doing the P90X workout program. I am hoping the extra energy and being more for hard core exercising would be beneficial to me. Maybe I'm just wasting my money on these diet pills, I don't know. I think I get the most benefit from the pills being a reminder that I need to work hard.

My husband has been trying really hard to derail my diet lately. I don't know why he does it, but he sabotages me when I start getting some real success. My size 10 jeans were starting to get loose on me, and after telling him about it, he has went on this fast food craze. Every night he wants pizza for supper, even if I tell him I can't have him tempting me like that. He hasn't exactly been being very good with the workouts either. He always complains about them and has gotten so bad with it that I've missed a couple days. I don't know what he's afraid of, but it is really pissing me off. If he doesn't want to do the workouts anymore, than at least he could get out of my way and let me do them alone.

I talked to him last night, and he said that he will try to not be so negative about the whole dieting and exercising, but who knows if he will actually be nicer or not. I had originally asked him to do the workouts with me so we could encourage each other, not so he could drag me down like he tends to do. I guess, that's what happens when you have the wicked witch of the west for a mother :P Okay, that wasn't nice, honest, but not nice.

I really need to write that review for the Fleshlight. I am not feeling creative at all, but I need to just buckle down and write it. I have a couple more toys I need to do reviews for as well...don't want to fall behind.

Awaiting the torch

How long until I become flamed? Not sure. Do I care? Nope...why should I? I am of course talking about the recent post I made on edenfantasys regarding the reviewer ranking change. Well, it wasn't so much about the change as it was about the conduct of one reviewer. What should have been a place for friendly discussion and useful feedback for the site turned into a vicious argument with one person dominating all posts by others. It has been bothering ever since this person chimed in with responses accusing the system of being unfair and being only a "popularity contest."

The original goal has been lost. The ranking system was to change to better suit the reviewers contributing to the program. It has since changed into being an avenue for one person to get what they want, and be damned if you don't agree. It pisses me off to see so many people making suggestions that are pertinent only to have one person argue their suggestion into oblivion until the others feel there is no point in posting their thoughts and comments. It appals me that eden is trying so hard to conform to what a small handful of people want. Is the majority getting left out in the cold to satisfy the few? The community has already started to die; I can't be the only one who is concerned about this? What will happen when activity on the site no longer holds any meaning? I can see people being upset because others have more time to devote to commenting, but isn't that essentially the same as holding a grudge against the neighbor because they can afford a newer car? Wasn't a cap on number of reviews put into place because one person had more time and money available than others did? Wasn't that cap put into place because the others were upset that this one person had an "unfair" advantage? I don't see what's so unfair about someone having more "stuff" than someone else does. I am grateful for all the time and effort that went into those reviews. I have avoided some bad toys because that person has more time and money than I do. Why all the bitterness? I just don't get how someone could feel so much resentment over something that happens in everyday life.

I have went into the forums and read the posts many times. I always go in hoping that the argumentativeness has died down, only to find that it is still there. I see people not bothering to post anymore. I end up typing up a post about how every one's feedback is important, then I remember that anything I post will be discredited by that person. I just cancel out and close the browser. I am left disgusted and disappointed.

Today I finally clicked on the "Post" button. It was an insanely long post, but I had a lot to say. It came out a lot harsher than I wanted it to, but it needed to be said. I see people who felt strongly about the issue backing down and not bothering to state their opinions anymore, and it pisses me off. There is a strong sense of community, and I hate seeing that ripped apart. Why should many be alienated for one? If no one else will stand up and tell this person to chill out, then I must. I don't see much motivating for all the bickering other than a power struggle. I feel that most of the people in the reviewer community are friends. Not close friends of course, but I still feel that my respect and trust is well placed in them. I hold respect for the person whom is taking charge and trying to make it all about her. I have enjoyed her reviews, and I feel she is a very welcome part of the program. I do not understand the resentment and bitterness that is coming out though...it just feels so misplaced and judgemental. What is wrong with people disagreeing? Just because we hold different views does not mean that one of us is "right" and the other "wrong."

I am not holding my breath for the flaming that is to come. I expect it, given all the haughtiness that has been present during the discussions. There is too much bitterness for anger to not also be present. I am done talking and thinking about this for now. I have other things to occupy my mind with.

Still on the subject of Edenfantasys, I should be getting my next assignment toy today. I had requested a Fleshlight for my hubby. I am pretty excited about it actually. I doubt my husband will ever use it without me, as his sex drive is usually pretty low. I initiate the sex almost 100% of the time. Last night he didn't want to have sex, but we hadn't been together sexually the day before either. I just waited until he was asleep then worked on him a bit. Doesn't take much to make a sleeping man horny :) Anyways, he woke up with a much different attitude than he fell asleep with. I was kind and didn't make him do anything, heck that's what the Hitachi is for!

I got off track there :( The Fleshlight we are getting is the non-descript one in "ice" with the original sleeve. The Fleshlight website is kind of a cool place actually. It really annoys me that the women for the presentation have such a "porn star" attitude. It actually makes me sick to hear and see the super fakey tell tale signs of a porn actor. The is a good number of different sleeves that I didn't know about previously. If my husband likes the original sleeve, then I may buy him one of the "fancier" ones for Christmas. I am not worried about a masturbator replacing me at all. Hubby prefers vaginal intercourse to everything else anyway. I've heard that men prefer anal sex because it is so much tighter and more pleasurable than vaginal sex. Hubby told me that was stupid. He doesn't think anal could ever be better than vaginal sex. He told me my cunt was almost too tight for him...but I think he said that just to make me happy.

I have not been using the Kegelscisor much lately. I thought it would be great to have stronger muscles down there, but hubby asked me to stop after the first week. I don't seem to grip and pull in with my muscles, instead it is more of a pushing. I am not usually aware of it during sex until I push him out and he gets pissed. I've tried explaining to him that I don't do it on purpose, it is just my body's response to the pleasure he is giving me. He doesn't get as upset over it now because I told him that, but it still irritates him to be pushed out. It seems weird to me that he says I am really tight and strong, when my previous lover told me I was sloppy and loose. Maybe it's all the sex that has made me stronger and more toned down there :P Either way, I don't want to get to the point where I break his dick during sex.

The Kegelscisor sits neatly in it's padded box, tempting me to use it. I have the smart balls too, but not much worry about them making me stronger as they don't seem to do much. I actually have found that they are not that great at staying in place. They stay in great until I start to get aroused. My muscles loosen up and get ready for penetration, which is not conducting to holding something inside. Then after the first bit of arousal is over with, my muscles start working and trying to push the damn things out. I'm not sure if many women have that problem, as I am constantly reading how well they stay in place. I just seem to do the pushing as apposed to the pulling with my pc muscles. It has come to mind if it is possible for a woman's pc muscles to become so strong as to actually break a penis. Wouldn't that be a surprise for a rapist?! Not saying that I will develop my muscles then try to get raped for that purpose. It was just a random thought. I shared the thought with my hubby, and I maybe shouldn't have. Lol he got that very worried look in his face like it was my goal to try and break his dick.

Speaking of muscle strength, I've been doing good with the workouts. I took a couple days off from it because I had been so sick, but it didn't seem to slow down my progress much. I feel much stronger than I did when we first started the program. I am finally under 200 lbs now too. I weighed in at 199.5 lbs this morning. It doesn't seem like a whole lot to lose, but it feels like a lot off of my body. I am going to have to do something with my wedding ring, as it is nearly impossible to keep it on my ring finger. I started wearing it on my index finger and hubby freaked out. He suggested I get a chain and wear it around my neck instead, but I don't generally wear necklaces. I may do that though, as I don't want to not wear it at all. I was down to 199.5 lbs at one point before, but ballooned back up to 210 after a couple months of junk food and no exercise. Really bites that it took so much hard work to get those stupid 10 pounds off again.

I am lazy today, so sorry no links. I doubt I come back and add them in later either. Today has been a more restful day. Yesterday I steam cleaned the carpets, washed all 8 loads of laundry, worked on patching walls in the stairwell, painted cabinets, cleaned up the cat's area in the basement, rearranged the girls' bedrooms, and other menial tasks like straighting up and doing dishes besides taking care of the girls. It was a long hard day, so today is my day is sit on my ass and knit while sipping on coffee spiked with coconut rum...yummy :)

Working my butt off...hopefully :)

So I just started the Alli Diet two weeks ago, I've been doing Pilates, and I've lost 7 pounds. Great progress...only it's not good enough. I feel week, I still don't have any energy, and my freakin' joints hurt! I don't just want to lose weight; I want to feel strong and healthy too.

My husband won't do the Pilates with me, so I dug the P90X stuff out of the storage room. My husband had bought this workout program over a year ago. He got into the second week and kinda just dropped out of it due to excess stress at work. We are both doing it this time. We are using the bands instead of weights or chin up bars at this point. I need to buy a new band though. I got a "light" resistance band that is supposed to be good for beginners and moderately active people. It felt like there was almost no resistance at all! I am not strong by any means, so this kind of surprised me.

This morning we did the first work out, after the oldest girl got on the bus to head to Pre-School. The one for today was the chest and back workout. What it is, is basically a routine of different pull ups and push ups. There are twelve exercises (and yes, they are all variations of pull ups and push ups (military push ups, decline push ups, dive-bomber push ups, back flys, wide, narrow, and everywhere in between pull ups, front and back hand grips, and some others)). No kidding about it, this was an intense workout. Oh, I forgot to mention, after you are done with all twelve of those exercises, you go back through and repeat the whole thing! I'm not going to lie, I am a little bit tired and sore. lol After the 60 minutes worth of the Chest and Back workout is the Ab Ripper X workout, which adds another 30 minutes. No joke, the name of the ab routine is pretty accurate. Thank goodness I won't have to do it tomorrow, because my abs (or where my abs will be :( ) are really sore!

I did better than I thought with keeping up with the workout (actually quite comparable to my husband), which pleased me. I managed to do 3 push ups, then had to resort to girl push ups for the rest. By the end of work out though, I couldn't do even a girl push up. I would go to lower myself into it and end up on the floor, lol I totally got my ass whipped. I really had a HUGE feeling of accomplishment when the whole thing was done. I feel crazy for it, but I actually am looking forward to getting up early for tomorrow's workout. Tomorrow is plyometrics, which is basically jumps and lunges (and jump lunges ;). I will not be "ripped" in 90 days like promised, because I am NOT already at an ideal weight. The program is meant (ideally) for people who are at a healthy weight and want to get in really good shape and bulk up (for men) or lean out (for women). My idea with this is that I was not getting much as far as muscle building (which burns fat like a bitch) and this workout should melt it off my body faster than the Pilates would.

I am going for the longer leaner look, and hubby is aiming for the bulk up with big muscles. I do really like that by adjusting weights and reps that he can get a workout suited for him and I can get one suited for me at the same time. It is kinda fun to do it together too. When I feel cheesy and awkward, all I have to do is look over at him ;)

One challenge for me is adding more protein and carbs to my diet. On the Alli diet I had a hard time pushing 1500 calories a day and I never got up to the 1800 I was supposed to eat for my weight bracket. I just can't eat that many healthy foods to get the calories (one whopper would do it, but that isn't exactly healthy calories). Tonight instead of one small chicken fajita, I had two (whole wheat wrap, low fat sour cream, and salsa helped make it pretty low in fat).

The food has always been a big deal for me. I get addicted to fast food, Italian food, Mexican food, and ice cream of course ;) If I can get through a few weeks of no fast food, then it seems like I stop craving it so much. When I had been on my good run and lost the 35 lbs before, I had french fries towards the end of it, and almost threw up. The amount of salt that was on the fries tasted more like I put a handful of salt in my mouth. The sweet things are what I have the most trouble resisting. I finally decided that fruit wasn't cutting it for me, and when I want something sweet now I just have a serving of fat free frozen yogurt. I need to get away from the pop (soda in other parts of the US). I was able to at least switch from regular to diet. I don't like the idea of artificial sweeteners, but at least now I don't notice the aftertaste so much. I try to drink lots of water and some iced teas. The crystal light teas and the Lipton teas that are single serving sizes (the kind that comes in a powder that is portioned for bottled water) have been really great for me. I don't use bottled water though, instead I have a water bottle that I fill out of the fridge dispenser since it's filtered. The bottled water is super convenient, but expensive and not so great for the planet.

I have been taking the Alli pills for two weeks, and during that time I have been eating really healthy. I am pretty much over the cravings for fat and salt. I am feeling confident that this time I will be able to drop more than just 10 pounds. Those 35 pounds that I lost during the first part of the year felt awesome to be rid of. I have 50 lbs to go until I am at my goal of 150 lbs, and I can't imagine how great it will feel to be rid of those 50 lbs.

150 is my "realistic" weight that I set for myself (being 5'8" that was pretty near the middle for healthy weight for a woman with average bone structure (according to Dr. Phil's diet book (which has helped me get past the emotional eating even though I don't use the nutrition plan exactly))). In high school I weighed in at 128. I have grown up since then and have had two children, so I realise that I most likely won't get back down to that. I am planing on getting to a point where I feel so great and am so fit that the scale doesn't matter to me at all anymore.

Holy crap! I did not realize that it was so late! It is no longer Wednesday, as it is past midnight. I gotta go to bed so I can even get up and do my work out.

The Alli diet pill

Yes, I am on the Alli diet pill. Does it work? I don't know honestly. Today is my 9th day so far, and I've lost 5 lbs (most likely all water weight). I don't need a diet pill to lose weight, so why did I buy it? My husband has this thing for sabotaging my weight loss efforts. When he gets in a funk, he buys fast food, then puts it in my face until I give in. I have lost the same damn 10 pounds at least 6 times during the past year. I am sooooo frickin' tired of it. These pills block 1/4 of the fat you eat, and it comes out the other end (eww). So, I know that if I cave and eat a high fat meal, I will be shitting oil uncontrollably into my pants. Needless to say, I haven't slipped up yet! I have went a step further and convinced my husband to take the pills with me. Remember me saying that he works delivering Pizza? Ha ha ha! After a day of fast food and pizza, he has really backed off of the junk ;) When he doesn't bring it home, I can't eat it, and we are all happier for it.

We have actually been doing really good on our diet. I haven't joined the online support group, not sure why besides I've been too lazy. I stay pretty involved with the Eden community and I try to blog on here occasionally, so I don't think I would probably have much time for another support group. For my support I just ask my husband periodically if he can tell I'm losing any weight. It usually ends with us going to the bedroom for an hour, after which I feel incredibly sexy. I don't bother asking extended family, because if I looked like a skeleton they wouldn't say anything. I don't get why that is, but my family doesn't handle compliments very well, giving or receiving.

It makes me feel nice when my oldest daughter tells me I'm pretty. She's only 3 1/2, but has more manners and kindness than most adults I've met. Other people don't tell me every little detail either. "Pretty hair, mommy. Wow mommy, pretty shirt. Pretty eyes, mommy. Pretty, big boobs mommy." lol Just a word of caution, do be careful what you say in front of children. I referred to my breasts as "boobs" once in front of her, and now she always calls them that. When we have potty time, she points out to me that she has "baby boobs" and I have "big mommy boobs." Needless to say, I am more careful about what comes out of my mouth in front of her.

This is off-topic, but I wanted to say that my Smart Balls were shipped today! Yay! I ordered them during the first part of June, and they have been sold out the entire time. I want the pink ones (to match my pink LAYAspot ;) ) and it was the only color to come in stock! I placed my order as soon as I received the alert saying they were back in stock (I do really love the alerts EdenFantasys has added to the site. Thank you Eden!). I got an email around noon saying that they had shipped. I am amazed at how fast their warehouse and shipping crew are. I am so excited to get my balls (he he, I love saying that!).

Still off-topic, but my Maximus is almost gone! I have to make another order soon, but I wish my husband would land another job before I spend any money. Our money reserve is running quite low, and I don't want to drain it. As far as the job hunting goes, he has had several promising jobs that he has applied for. He hasn't had an interview in a while though. Lots and lots of hours delivering pizza, and the tips have been good thankfully.

I think that is about all I have to say for now. Hopefully at some point I will get into a grove of blogging regularly and get a pattern down.

My New Sinnflut!

Okay, I know I posted last night that I would be getting my Sinnflut intensity today, but I just had to post again saying that I did indeed get it!  Ohhh, it is very sexy!  I got the cream and burgundy colored one.  Personally the orange and red looked a little hideous to me.  The instructions said it was supposed to come charged, but it wouldn't turn on.  I have it sitting next to my bed right now, on its sexy little base, getting all nice and juiced up for tonight.

It definitely feels and looks like a $160 toy.  The silicone is so smooth and silky feeling.  I am so impatient waiting for it to charge.  I can't wait until I can finally try it out.  I am really looking forward to writing a review of it too, but I'll probably put in a week of good use before I actually write the review.  I really like to know a product before I write a review, isn't that the whole point?  So people can read an honest opinion of the product before they buy it?  Reviews have really helped me pick out some excellent toys.  The not yet gel was probably one of the better things that we've tried.  I have the g-spot gel that I want to try tonight.  I am hopping it works like it is supposed to also.

My most recent order shipped today.  I was a little disappointed to see that they shipped it ups ground instead of next day air.  I won't get it until next week then; how sucky is that?  Anyways, I suppose I'll live.  After all, I've got my new Sinnflut to play with!

Onto a new subject already.

I haven't posted anything about my weight yet.  Yeah, two children can really put a damper on your body being sexy.  Anyways, my first daughter was a really hard pregnancy and I gained 60 pounds.  I didn't loose much of it after I had her either.  Then with the second baby, I gained 25 pounds which is much better.

Oh, I do not want to post this, but I will anyway.  I am 5'8" and weighed 130 lbs in high school.  I was 150 when I got married (a bad relationship before that and really severe depression led to overeating for comfort reasons), I was 180 when I got pregnant the first time (that was from living with a man who lives off of fast food).  Ouch!  That hurt to say that.  The highest I have ever been was a whopping 235 lbs.  I went on a diet and lost 35 of that.  I am currently sitting at 200, and want to lose 50 more.  My goal is 2 lbs each week, so I can be down to my goal weight in November.  I really slacked there for like a month, so I've got about 10 lbs that I need to make up.  I have lost 3 pounds so far this week, and I weigh in on Sundays, so I think I should be able to make it up in a few weeks.  Before for exercise I was doing 60 minutes on the treadmill each day, and that seemed to be working pretty well.  I am now doing Pilate's instead, and as much as I hurt, it is definitely working.

I will be so happy when I reach my goal.  I am okay now, but damn, 200 is still really heavy.  It is amazing that even with 35 lbs lost that I went down 3 pant sizes.  I am going to get a tummy tuck after I lose all the weight and we decide we are done having babies.  A 19 inch baby isn't really that big, unless that said baby is stretched out in your uterus instead of curled up like babies are supposed to be.  My first child completely destroyed my lower abdomen skin.  I won't ever have a firm stomach again, so I'll just pay someone to cut off the things I don't like.  doesn't that make me a good American?  To change yourself with money?  Anyway, I am almost enjoying the struggle to get there.  The workouts make me feel like I'm actually doing something.

I almost don't care if the Sinnflut is charged yet.  I might just go touch it.