Writing Reviews

So, here I sit, drawing a blank. I need to write a review today, but what do I pick? I've got a couple toys that I need to play with a little more to answer all my questions before I can write about them. I have some lubes that are beyond horrid, but I'm not sure I want to write about a lube today. I did three reviews yesterday, here is my profile. All my reviews are posted on there if you want to check them out. I did reviews for a beaded penis sleeve, a Hitachi attachment, and a bullet vibe. It may take a day or two for my rank to catch up with me, but that's okay.

I've been looking at the "Fluffy Flog Her" every time I am in my bedroom. We have used it a couple times, and I really love it. I'm not sure I feel like writing about it though. I might end up not doing a review today at all. What I do feel like doing is working on the house, but I doubt I'll do that either. There is still a lot of fixing to do on this place. We moved in back in November, and so far have only gotten the Kitchen and Dinning Room done. I suppose, that's life though.

I was asked to join a project at Eden, and it has been great so far. I am writing product descriptions and reviews on new toys. Of course I am not the only one doing this, as they get waaaaaaay too many toys for me to keep up with. I was so excited to open the box and see what was inside of it. I am pretty honored that they asked me to be a part of it. I'm hoping that means that my reviews don't totally suck :P

I have been doing some digging and learning about lubes. Some pretty scary stuff in those water based lubes. Thankfully I am not sensitive or prone to yeast infections, because I just don't seem to be able to get used to silicone lube. It leaves my skin feeling soft, and I really like that, just annoys me that it isn't as slippery as I like. Speaking of lube, my bottle of Maximus is getting low. I would like to try the Sliquid and the O' My brands, but my husband is pretty adamant that he loves Maximus. Saying the name of that lube always makes me want to watch the Gladiator :P What an awesome movie, and I don't even think Russell Crowe is hot (can't say the same for Joaquin Phoenix though;)) Maximus is an awesome lube. If you looked at my profile, you should have seen my review for it. Glycerin free!!! YAY! I guess...like I said, I am not prone to yeast infections (never gotten one in fact).

My children are watching the Princess Bride right now. Another hot actor in that. Cary Elwes is one of the few blond men that doesn't completely disgust me. Why do I have this horrid stigma with blond men? I am not sure why, but in general, blond hair turns me off. I don't think hot and sexy, I think little boy. Maybe its because my family is filled with dark haired men, or maybe its because many boys with blond hair grow up to have darker hair. Could be that the boyfriend that was abusive to me dyed his hair blond...only problem with that is that I was turned off by blonde's even before I met him. I don't know his name, but the guy that plays prince Humperdink (his name cracks me up every time) is pretty hot too. The "Spaniard" is hot too, sans costume and make up of course.





Okay, got some bad news. My husband didn't get his time sheet in on time, so he won't be getting paid this month. I don't know how well off other people are, but this means we won't be able to pay any of our bills. So many things have changed at his work since he first started. Thank goodness he has a second job, but it's too bad that it is a low paying job. He has been given good shifts then had them taken away to give to other people. He doesn't get bonuses, no pay increase even though the responsibly has more than tripled, gets wrote up if he is a minute or two late getting to work or returning from lunch. The eleven hour days really suck too. He told me that he is going to have to just walk out. He wants to give two weeks notice, but wouldn't have time to look for another job, and he needs to get hired on someplace as soon as possible.

I guess I won't be buying any toys for awhile. Being able to support his family is really important to my husband. I know this is hard on him, but there isn't much I can do to help. I guess I can comfort him, but it's not like I have a wad of cash hidden away. He has been wanting to switch back to doing sales, so maybe this is a blessing disguised as a curse. Maybe he can get into a Furniture Row job. Those average $42k first year, and they promote pretty fast. Only thing with that, is that we could be moving if he got into one of those stores. I guess I wouldn't mind moving, just all our family is here and we haven't been in this house for very long.

He will be coming home soon whether he quit his job or not, as he has a split shift today. I think I will go shave my legs, maybe that will make him feel a little better ;)

What to do with all these toys?!

I got my shipment of toys...20 toys...so now what do I do?  I have used most of them, but only written reviews for 4 of them so far.  I must say that I do love VixSkin.  I didn't think I would, as I tend to be skeptical about everything.  I was blown away by this stuff though.  I got the Lone Star in beige (geez...I am soooo pale), and I love it.  It works very well for most things.  Only problem so far is that my harness is too small for it.  That damn chunky cock!  lol  Okay, I actually love that its chunky.  I wanted to get the Syd anyways, but EdenFantasys was sold out when I placed my order :(  It is back in stock now, so I'll have to see about getting it before long.  One final note on the Lone Star, I was able to take that sucker today.  Yay!  Score one for Bulma!  lol  My husband told me it would be impossible for him to take it up the butt.  Well now I know it is possible..I just have to wait for him to get up to that point.  I have to have the Outlaw now.  It is longer, it is thicker, and it to is VixSkin!  Cock Wrangler did a great review of the Goodfella here.  I have to have it now!  I actually really love that it is normal sized, and the balls look lovely too.  I know that it has to work very well for gender bending and cock sucking if Cock Wrangler likes it.  I know that is an opinion I can trust.

Sadly my order was messed up :(  I ordered the adult toy chest but received the XL sex toy case instead.  I need to send it back and get the correct one.  I emailed them, and printed out my free return label (so awesome that they do that).  Everything is going smooth, but heck it was Saturday night and I couldn't do anything with it so I set the paper on the bed and went off to do other things.  Let me just say for a second that my cat is a royal pain in the ass!  I went back into the bedroom later to box up the case, and guess what?  The cat had shredded the stupid return slip and the label!  (you ought to see Christmas time at my house lol all those glorious boxes, covered in all that yummy paper!)  My cat is crazy...seriously, why would a cat eat paper?  Anyhow, I was pissed and haven't bothered to print out new ones yet.  I considered just sending them anyway and writing a little note on the side "sorry, guess my cat was Hungry."  In high school I actually turned in a take home quiz that he had chewed the corner off of.  lol The teacher never said anything to me, thank goodness!

I am thinking that tonight is going to be a sexless night :(  We were up late last night, seriously...it was freakin' late.  I do believe it was almost 5:00 am by the time we got to sleep.  We were testing more toys last night.  I wrote a review for the blindfold today.  I have had fun using that.  It was weird at first (seriously..I am bad at tying knots lol too bad I didn't know that before I actually ordered it)  Here is my review of it.  Shhh Satin Blindfold by Bijoux indiscrets.  We also tested out the jaguar wrist cuffs and the fluffy flogger.  Both are black and white, as that is my color for all things bdsm.  It is hella sexy too :D

It is late, that it is.  lol sorry!  Too much Rurouni Kenshin!  I so hate the way he talks; but it is rubbing off, that it is.  lol  Seriously, I am going to stop now, surely I am.

Anime I've been watching lately.

Yeah, I like anime...okay, I like it a lot.  I am currently two episodes behind in Bleach...so tired of these damn fillers :(  Just get back to the story already!  Okay, SPOILER WARNING!!!  If you aren't staying current with the show as it airs in Japan, then don't read any further unless you want to find out what happens.







Soooo, why is everyone focusing on this little princess and ignoring Aizen?  Just go kick his ass already!  Enough fillers!  I am getting bored of the show a little bit.  At least the Hueco Mundo ark was interesting, until they decided it wasn't necessary to explain just how the hell they got Orihime back home, and how they rescued the others who had been killed.  Are we supposed to assume that Orihime healed them?  Are we also supposed to believe that none of the other Espada challenged Ichigo?  Bah!  I just hated how they transitioned from one season to the next...well okay, the problem is that there was NO transition; just "POOF!"  and everything is back to normal again.  I'd like to see more Zaraki please :D

Another anime I've been watching lately is Elfen Lied.  Damn, is the gore over the top.  It has been okay so far; not going to be a favorite but I've enjoyed it.  I only have a couple episodes left, so I'm pretty much done with it.  Do not, I repeat, DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN WATCH THIS!  This show has some disturbing images in it.  There is a lot of gore, nudity and swearing.  There is a scene with a 13 year old girl about to be raped by her step-father.  So definitely not for children or those faint of heart.  I wouldn't say this is as explicit or shocking as Speed Grapher, but then again, what the hell is?

Then there is Rurouni Kenshin.  I am on the 7th volume right now.  I really like it for the most part.  Only thing is that someone NEEDS to really sit that Kenshin down and explain that he sounds stupid!  "She's a kind girl, that she is."   ?????  I mean, who talks like that?  He is the only one in the show who adds that extra little annoyance onto the end of his sentences.  Ha, I've been enjoying it though.

There's also Samurai Champloo that I've been watching.  I think I am on Vol. 6 with it, but I could be on 5.  I need to watch some episodes and determine for sure just which one I'm on.

I don't really have much else to say about this.  I just hope Bleach starts getting better, or I'll be going back to watching Inu Yasha for the hundredth time.

My New Sinnflut!

Okay, I know I posted last night that I would be getting my Sinnflut intensity today, but I just had to post again saying that I did indeed get it!  Ohhh, it is very sexy!  I got the cream and burgundy colored one.  Personally the orange and red looked a little hideous to me.  The instructions said it was supposed to come charged, but it wouldn't turn on.  I have it sitting next to my bed right now, on its sexy little base, getting all nice and juiced up for tonight.

It definitely feels and looks like a $160 toy.  The silicone is so smooth and silky feeling.  I am so impatient waiting for it to charge.  I can't wait until I can finally try it out.  I am really looking forward to writing a review of it too, but I'll probably put in a week of good use before I actually write the review.  I really like to know a product before I write a review, isn't that the whole point?  So people can read an honest opinion of the product before they buy it?  Reviews have really helped me pick out some excellent toys.  The not yet gel was probably one of the better things that we've tried.  I have the g-spot gel that I want to try tonight.  I am hopping it works like it is supposed to also.

My most recent order shipped today.  I was a little disappointed to see that they shipped it ups ground instead of next day air.  I won't get it until next week then; how sucky is that?  Anyways, I suppose I'll live.  After all, I've got my new Sinnflut to play with!

Onto a new subject already.

I haven't posted anything about my weight yet.  Yeah, two children can really put a damper on your body being sexy.  Anyways, my first daughter was a really hard pregnancy and I gained 60 pounds.  I didn't loose much of it after I had her either.  Then with the second baby, I gained 25 pounds which is much better.

Oh, I do not want to post this, but I will anyway.  I am 5'8" and weighed 130 lbs in high school.  I was 150 when I got married (a bad relationship before that and really severe depression led to overeating for comfort reasons), I was 180 when I got pregnant the first time (that was from living with a man who lives off of fast food).  Ouch!  That hurt to say that.  The highest I have ever been was a whopping 235 lbs.  I went on a diet and lost 35 of that.  I am currently sitting at 200, and want to lose 50 more.  My goal is 2 lbs each week, so I can be down to my goal weight in November.  I really slacked there for like a month, so I've got about 10 lbs that I need to make up.  I have lost 3 pounds so far this week, and I weigh in on Sundays, so I think I should be able to make it up in a few weeks.  Before for exercise I was doing 60 minutes on the treadmill each day, and that seemed to be working pretty well.  I am now doing Pilate's instead, and as much as I hurt, it is definitely working.

I will be so happy when I reach my goal.  I am okay now, but damn, 200 is still really heavy.  It is amazing that even with 35 lbs lost that I went down 3 pant sizes.  I am going to get a tummy tuck after I lose all the weight and we decide we are done having babies.  A 19 inch baby isn't really that big, unless that said baby is stretched out in your uterus instead of curled up like babies are supposed to be.  My first child completely destroyed my lower abdomen skin.  I won't ever have a firm stomach again, so I'll just pay someone to cut off the things I don't like.  doesn't that make me a good American?  To change yourself with money?  Anyway, I am almost enjoying the struggle to get there.  The workouts make me feel like I'm actually doing something.

I almost don't care if the Sinnflut is charged yet.  I might just go touch it.

No...I'm not dead...just brain dead...

Geez, I have been busy.  Not the busy state where I'm actually doing important or impressive things...no, just the busy where I am swamped with everyday kind of crap.

I do have something that I am super excited about!  I finally got to order my Sinnflut!  I ordered it late last night (seriously, I do believe it was about midnight) and paid the extra $28 to have it shipped next day air.  Well it wasn't the only thing I ordered.  I will also be getting the Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet, and the "Ooooh That's It!" G-spot stimulating gel.  I can't tell you how excited I am for tomorrow to FINALLY get here.

I really need a new bullet.  The bullet is a device that is essential to my sex life.  I almost always use one when having sex with my husband.  I don't always use it during, but a lot to kind of warm myself up before he gets into bed.  When I do use it during intercourse I like to kind of stuff it between us so it is smashed into my clit.  The bullet doesn't bring me to orgasm on it's own, but when I'm using it I am super aware of my husbands cock.  My muscles just seem to clamp down on him better and I can feel everything he does so much more than when I don't use a bullet.  Okay, by now you probably get the idea that my bullet is VERY important to me.  A few nights ago, (three actually) we were grinding away like we do every night.  The lamp was dimmed, the cat shut out of the room (he is such a pervert!) and the little bullet was humming away while my husband was tirelessly pumping my g-spot (I love the curve in his cock, don't know how I ever got off on a straight one (sorry to any guy reading this who has a straight cock and it offended))  Everything is going great and I feel another orgasm getting so close...then the bullet sputters for a split second then stops!  It just died!  I was very distracted, and I think it upset my husband a little that I actually started freaking out over a vibrator.  Needless to say I didn't get my second orgasm that night.

I actually did a review for the Golden Nugget, click here to read it.  I had so loved that little tacky golden egg.  It made my other bullets jump into the trash after I first used it.  If only I had known it was die after the first month of use.  I actually don't blame it considering how much I used this thing.  I am serious when I say that I actually wore the finish off this toy.  I figured I put it through the paces for more than 60 hours while I had it.

Next night, I pulled out my Ultimate Triple Stimulator, took out the bullet, and cast the jelly cock ring with attached dildo back into it's bag.  I stole the little jelly sleeve from the dead Golden Nugget and placed on the silver bullet I had in my greedy hand.  I was ready to go!  Half way through sex...I bet you can't guess!  It DIED!  I was more than frustrated by now, because this night I hadn't even had one orgasm yet.  I was so damn mad I am surprised I could finish at all.  I finally gave up on using anything on my clit and convinced my husband to fuck me with his fingers while he stimulated my nipples with his mouth.

This new bullet I ordered had better live up to all the hype I've read about it.  There are some reviews by people that I really respect, so I think I am pretty safe here.  Ohh, do I ever hope it is as strong as they say!  I want to order a Hitachi, but am concerned it may be too big to use during sex.  Actually, I am very certain it is too large to be used this way!  I can't wait to test out the new toys and write some new reviews.

Speaking of sex toys, we are supposed to pick some out tonight after my husband gets home from work.  There are so many things I want to get!  I am serious, my wish list is so full I almost need filters to find something specific!  Anyways, I have this great discount from EdenFantasys  for being a reviewer, and I want to use it to get some of the things I had been waiting to save up for.  We figured we have $500 to spend, and with this awesome discount I'll be able to buy more than that.  I must say I have been very impressed with that site so far.  Before I had ordered from Babeland, but was usually left disappointed by their selection.  I am soooooooo glad that I found eden.  I love the reviewing too, it has been a lot of fun so far.  The community has been great too.  If you want to order from there and are interested in a 15% discount, just email me  (bustybulma@gmail.com) and I'll give you my partner code to use during checkout.

While I am on the subject of EdenFantasys, let me say that I am working on getting my link up.  I am just so slow!  Anyways, I am hoping to have that up either tonight or tomorrow.  Their affiliate program is awesome!  Earn money for even more toys?  Sign me up!

Okay, I think I am about done now.  I find that when I start writing I don't want to stop.  Just look at the length of my blog posts so far, and you'll see what I mean.  I bet your eyes hurt from staring at this screen for this long already.

Seriously, I am going to spell check now, and just stop typing.  I am trying...it is soooo hard to stop!  Ha ha, just kidding.  Think I may be getting carpel tunnel from this post. :-P  Bye-bye!

Just a happy memory

There is a memory I've been thinking about allot lately. It was back when I was pregnant with our first daughter. We had just made love and were lying in bed cuddling. I was almost 6 months pregnant, and the baby had begun really kicking a lot and doing back flips in my belly.

We just lay there, not saying anything, not moving; just holding and being held. My husband lay behind, his body curled close to mine. His hand rested on my stomach, feeling our baby kicking at him. "I'm so lucky to be with you." His voice broke the silence. I rolled over to face him and saw that there was a tear on his face. This man had been through hell and back with all the abuse he had faced during his childhood. He never cried; he wasn't a crier. He put his hand on my face and whispered softly to me, "I never knew what it was like to be loved until I met you. I can't wait to have a family with you. You make me so happy." I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I just kissed him then buried my face against his chest.

That moment was one of the happiest times in my life. It hurts so much now when I stop and realize just how much we have lost. Once the baby was born things began to change. I wasn't allowed to have sex for a month after having the baby. I had developed Pre-Eclampsia during the pregnancy and had ended up having to have an emergency cesarean. It took me quite a while to heal after the surgery, and that put a large strain on our marriage as I couldn't do the things that he was used to me doing. I was useless, and even though he realized I had almost died, he ended up resenting me over it. It was a horrible situation. He knew that it wasn't my choice to neglect him, he knew that I had almost died and that I needed him to help me through the difficult time I was having. It didn't matter what he knew to be true, all the bad memories and feelings of abandonment came flooding back to him. During that time he lost most of his trust in me, he became scared that he wasn't good enough for me no matter what I told him. It seemed like everything negative form his past was coming back and pushing its way into our marriage. I'm not sure if it had to do with the fact that I couldn't be as expressive of my love for him in a sexual way during that period, or if it was the fact that he had been really scared when the doctor told us if I didn't get into surgery right away that I would go into a seizure and likely die, or if it was the fact that the dynamic of our lives had just changed and he now had this huge responsibility placed upon him.

I am pretty confident that I know all his dark secrets from his past, and even though I am still here, he doesn't believe that I would ever accept him. It doesn't matter what I say or do, I can't seem to get it across to him that I accepted him fully when I married him. Since that time we have gotten past some of the negatives that came up, but he has also fell into a depressive state that seems like it has no end.

The happy memories that I have are the only reminders of what things could be like. During weeks when we never see each other and we are cross, thinking about what our love used to be is the only thing that helps me to get through my day without pulling my hair out.

The addition of more sex toys in our life together has helped us become a little closer. At least now when everything thing else is falling apart around us, there is still an incredible feeling of closeness when we have sex. Most of the time he forgets to even kiss me hello or goodbye, so it is nice to have a time when I know he is only thinking about me and being with me. The closeness from our sex life is slowly seeping into the other areas of our marriage. I don't think our marriage could survive if we didn't have sex. The toys help add an element of newness, of excitement. Plus some nights, my husband is just too tired to put much effort into it. When that happens I can just stimulate myself with a small vibrator while he is inside of me. It allows both of us to finish, but requires very little energy from him.

The quiet moment after sex still remains my favorite part of the day, even though it almost always includes him snoring in my ear. I no longer get the deep and intimate discussions out of him that I used to, and anything I say is lost because he is always asleep as soon as he pulls his cock out. At least I still have some good memories to hold onto.

My past.

The last post was really from yesterday, I just didn't publish it until today. I've been kind of lazy lately. Last night we went shopping and this morning we have kind of just been chilling out. My husband is gone of course, working as always. Last time I only talked about my husband, so this time it'll be about me.

Most of my problems steam from one place, my childhood. Some of my earliest memories include hiding outside crying because no one would even notice I was gone. I was told several times that I was "unplanned" that I had only been an accident and my parents really hadn't wanted me. My mother spent all her time doing housework and helping my older brother with his home work. In fact at the age of 4 when I wanted to learn to read, she was too busy to help me, so I learned on my own. My father was no where to be found when I was a child. All his time was spent in the garage or taking naps. My mother was 42 when she had me, and the next youngest child was 8 years older than me. We lived in a rural area and my mother home schooled, so I had zero friends growing up.

When I was 15 I begged my parents to let me go to public school. To my surprise they did let me go. I made some friends easily and started dating; thus began my other major problem. When I turned 17 I got into a serious relationship with a 19 year old from my summer job. He had just graduated from high school in a nearby town (I went to school at a very small rural school, he was from the largest town in that area) and was getting ready to go to collage. This relationship was really great for about 6 months. He asked me to marry him, and being so in love I accepted.

I have no idea why I was in love with this man. I had my first sexual experience with him, and it was what I now consider to be rape. I was his first girlfriend, and I guess he was eager to have sex, because he pressured me until I finally caved. Our first encounter was oral sex, and by that I mean he forced his cock into my mouth and verbally abused me until I performed on him. I was expected to do this for him every time we met from then on. After telling me what a horrid girlfriend I was for not letting him fuck me, he finally started telling me that I would do it if I loved him. So there I was, scared and not ready for sex, in the back seat the car, as he had his way with me. It was never a concern if I enjoyed it or not, but that’s OK because I only wanted it to be over with. After he had finished, I was only concerned with if I had been "good enough" for him. When I asked him if he was pleased or not, his response was "it's not what I expected, you're really loose." This is something that he later used against me to force me into anal sex. At one point in the relationship he insisted on giving me oral sex. I already knew that I wasn't good enough for him, and I resisted him because I knew what he would say about me. I was right. He told me that I smelled bad, that I tasted bad, that I was disgusting; and I believed him.

After we got engaged, I moved in with him and we were together another 6 months until I finally left him. I didn't understand at the time why I stayed with him. I didn't understand how all the emotional abuse was worth it. After being away from him and going through counseling, I discovered the reason why. I never had a father growing up, my dad was checked out. I was seeking approval from a man; I wanted the love that I never got from my family. Even though he was forcing himself on me several times a week, I still wanted to be with him. I even began to crave it. It hurt and I hated it, but there he was, wanting me. No one had ever wanted me before. It got to the point that I stopped being a young woman and just became his property. We had sex on average 4 times a day and I gave him oral sex at least twice each day as well. This was of course while we were living together. I was so bruised and so sore, that I prayed for my period to come a few days sooner than normal. When I was bleeding I was too disgusting for him to touch me, which allowed me some time to heal although the bruising never completely went away.

It was a horrid relationship that ended up costing both him and I our schooling. Everything was fine the first couple months of our relationship. We were working together and dating during our free time. We started having sex during the last couple weeks before he started college. I was in shock during that period. I was convinced that we were in love, and I believed everything he said. I really did think that I had to have sex with him; I believed that I was lucky he would even want to have sex with me considering what a disappointment I had been to him. After he left for college and I started school again, we saw each other on the weekends. I was working every day after school and on the weekends, until he told me I needed to have the weekends free for when he came back home. So I quit my job and tried to get back some of my grades that had been slipping. I was spending all of my free days with him, and trying to rest up from that during the school week. I became very sick, both physically and mentally, and ended up dropping out of school. I had been going to the doctor every week and getting all sorts of tests done. They couldn't find any reason why my hair had started falling out, or why I was so weak. I started going to a counselor weekly also. I didn't really talk about my relationship; I only talked about my problems with cutting myself and my want of death.

The counseling sessions helped. I kind of got some of my life back and my boyfriend had started spending more time and money on me. Instead of us only having sex, we were starting to talk more, he was buying little gifts for me that were pink and said things like "I love you" on them. He wasn't going to classes anymore, he spent all of his time partying and cheating on me (only one way to get Chlamydia) He dropped out of college and got an apartment "so we could be together." I moved in with him shortly after he proposed to me. During that time he had been being very sweet to me; guess he was afraid I would kill myself and then he'd have to find someone else to rape.

During the 6 months I lived with him things got worse. We began having sex 5 or more times each day and he started becoming violent towards me. He kicked in his apartment door right in front of me as I stood there crying. He threatened to kill me on more than one occasion. After a while of the abuse I went back to see the counselor. After telling her what had been going on and how he had treated me the entire time I had known him, she only had one thing to say to me "If you don't leave him now, he will kill you." So I left him, but I kept talking to him over the phone. I wanted answers, but he wouldn't give them to me. He refused to even admit that he had given me Chlamydia. I don't know why I expected any different. I finally stopped talking to him when he called me a bitch and threatened me on my 18th birthday. I never talked to him again.

That relationship left so many scars in my heart. I had this deep rooted belief that I was disgusting no matter how many times I went to counseling. I didn't stay single for very long though. I met my husband through an Internet dating site within the month. We talked online and over the phone for about two months before we met in person. We got married exactly one year from the day we met each other face to face. During my marriage I have been able to get past a lot of the problems created during my prior relationship. My husband never asked me to give him oral sex and if I told him I didn't feel like having sex he would just hold me instead. I finally gave him oral sex because I thought he deserved it, and I wanted to know what it was like when it was my choice, my gift. It really helped to have him there during those first few months after I had left my previous fiancé. I had someone to talk to, someone to laugh with. We were a couple hundred miles away so the pressure of sex wasn't even an issue. There was something there that I hadn't felt before. He had a certain gentleness about him that made me feel safe, even over the phone.

We have since lost most of the sweetness that was between us.  I think we are on the right track to getting it back though.