Well, this is it. This is the big day. My last two reviews are submitted to Eden Fantasys, and I am packing to leave my home. I don't know how long until I get a place of my own, but I imagine it will be a while. I am going to live with my parents, and it is due time that I do. I know I must get out of this city and away from my husband if I am ever going to succeed in leaving him.
This is ripping my heart into shreds. I hate all the pain and cruelty, but yet the thought of losing him tears me apart inside. My head has been saying "run, dammit run, while you still can!" and my heart keeps telling me "remember the way he used to hold us? Remember the tears well up in those beautiful blue eyes as he said I was the only thing in this world he needed to be content? What if he could change someday? What if he changes and I miss out on it? What if the man I fell so deeply in love with is still in there somewhere?" I am finally having to tell my heart to shut the fuck up. I have allowed him to abuse me for so long because I was so desperate to gain his love and acceptance again. To be beaten wasn't too high of a price to pay to be held and caressed was it? But wait a second, why don't other women have to suffer in order to be loved? Why does this ever happen to any of us, that we put up with the pain for those few moments of intimacy and love, even though we know deep inside that he doesn't really mean it, that he will never really change.
I wrote a letter to him. Not a letter to the abuser, but to the man I still love and wish he could be again. I just wanted to get out some of my feelings and to clear the air. I don't hate him, and it was important to me to be able to tell him that. I need him to know that he does not have me in fear anymore. I will not let him control me in any manner for one more second of my life. I am free. I sobbed so hard as I wrote that 6 page letter to him. I doubt it will mean much to him, but it feels good to me to get it out and be able to let go.
I will be grieving at my parent's house. I will cry a lot, and I will write in my journal alot. It will hurt, but I will get through it. I must grieve, and it is okay to grieve. It is okay to hurt, and it is okay to cry. Sometimes we must all cry.
To everyone who has shown me kindness, I give out a sincere and heartfelt thank you. Those of you who have encouraged me may have just saved my life. I have been so deep in depression that I have considered taking my own life nearly every day for the past year. I have sat in the bath tub in the middle of the night while everyone else slept, holding a knife at my throat trying to get up the courage to finally get it over with. I just wanted the pain to stop, I couldn't live knowing how worthless I was. How could my own husband not find any value in my life? The only person who has ever swore to love me forever, cast me aside like a piece of trash.
I can not even describe how shocked I was to find the forum post on Eden Fantasys. At the core of who I am, I strongly believed I had little to no value as a human being. How could so many people say such nice things about me? Me of all people getting praise and being called an "asset?" I just sat there staring at my computer screen and cried. Do any of these people realise how much their words mean to me? I will never forget their kindness. It is because of the encouragement and love shown to me by these people that I am still alive and taking the steps to change my life and the lives of my two little girls.
The nights that I just wanted to disappear, you all made me laugh. You gave me something better to think about, you gave me something to brighten my day and pull me from the dark hole I was sinking into; whether you knew it or not you saved my life. I will come back to you all when I can, when I am safe, when I am on my own two feet once more. Thank you all, thank you more than I could ever express.
I am making final preparations to leave. Me, my girls, my cats, and what I can fit in the car. Everything else stays. I have never felt like this before. This is so painful, but yet it feels like a new beginning at the same time. I feel good that I am doing the right thing, but it still makes my heart ache. I will come back, I promise. I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know that I will come back. I will come back better than ever, I promise you all.
My heart and thoughts go out especially to those of you who are dealing with abuse in your own lives, no matter what stage you are in or if you are already out. I will be thinking of you all, and I will continue to draw strength from your strength as I hope you can do the same.
Everything happens for a reason...I found the eden community hoping for a fun distraction, and I found my life. This is why we encourage and support one another, because you never know who is suffering in silince, who needs the compassion.
Thank you.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
ToiBocks Review
I loved the high end look and promise of discretion when I first laid eyes on the original ToiBocks. I can not tell you how excited I was to receive one from the good folks over at EdenFantasys.
Being the holidays, my package arrived a little later than scheduled. When it did arrive though I tore into it with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning. Inside of the discreet shipping box was the product box of my new ToiBocks. Curiously, the box lists it as coming in three different colors: Dark Cherry, Golden Honey, and Black Licorice, though only the Dark Cherry seems to be available at the moment.
Inside of the box was a ridiculous amount of Styrofoam cradling my sexy new toy storage. Well, alright, you don't HAVE to use it for toys. This baby locks via magnetic lock, so it is handy for valuables as well as private items. Obviously when you open this up it becomes apparent that there is hidden storage under the top tray. The trick is that there is no visible lock, so even if people figure out there is a compartment in the bottom, they won't be getting into it.
More about the nifty lock on this product. The key is a round flat disc, metal with TB logo on one side, soft red velvet on the other side. All it takes is a quick swipe over the magic spot and the lock is undone. The key can easily stick (magnetically of course) to the metal logo on the inside of the lid. If you ever lose your key, you may simply ask ToiBocks to send you a new one (great reason to register your new ToiBocks as soon as possible).
I found the quality of this product to be just what I expected from the high price tag. Costing near $100, I expected it to be in excellent condition and flawlessly made; I was not disappointed at all. The finish on the wood in nicely done with no runs or streaks or thin spots. The shine is lovely, and the feel is silky smooth. The inside is covered in red velvet, and it looks just exquisite! I have no problem storing my diamond jewelry in the top tray of this, as it looks just as beautiful as my jewels. The hinges are smooth working, and the lock works perfectly every time for me as well. Little rubber feet are included that may be put on the bottom of the ToiBocks to protect whatever you set it upon, if you so wish. I did not put mine on, as I do not place it directly on other furniture but instead on a decorative runner.
When it comes to storage space, this is 11" x 7" x 6.25" or 41.25 cubic inches. With the tray in place the bottom compartment is 2.5" deep. I could fit a couple more toys into it if I so wished, but currently I am storing inside of it these toys: Smart balls, Clear ribbed G-spot wonder, Passion bullets dual, G-Spot Gemstone, Power penis vibrator, and the Vibrating C-Ring. Like I said though, there is room for a couple more toys. I imagine I could fit a couple medium to smallish dildos and a bullet or two. If you are not worried about people finding your stuff (which is kinda the purpose behind this) you could also keep a few toys in the top tray or else not even use the tray at all. Condoms fit perfectly in the two smaller compartments, and the larger area is perfect for cock rings or nipple jewelry.
Be aware that while this thing does hold enough toys to be functional, it serves best as a handy spot for favorites. I have roughly around 80 toys (no, I am not going to go count them all) so my collection is on the large side. I keep my smaller favorites in this, as it will hold neither my Hitachi or my Lone Star (damned big balls that it has barely won't fit).
Over all, I think this is a great product and I am excited to see the rest of the line of products from ToiBocks. This is an excellent product for people with children, nosy guests, or room mates. The ToiTissue is also for sale at EdenFantasys, and I have the overwhelming sense that I must own it as well :P
Being the holidays, my package arrived a little later than scheduled. When it did arrive though I tore into it with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning. Inside of the discreet shipping box was the product box of my new ToiBocks. Curiously, the box lists it as coming in three different colors: Dark Cherry, Golden Honey, and Black Licorice, though only the Dark Cherry seems to be available at the moment.
Inside of the box was a ridiculous amount of Styrofoam cradling my sexy new toy storage. Well, alright, you don't HAVE to use it for toys. This baby locks via magnetic lock, so it is handy for valuables as well as private items. Obviously when you open this up it becomes apparent that there is hidden storage under the top tray. The trick is that there is no visible lock, so even if people figure out there is a compartment in the bottom, they won't be getting into it.
More about the nifty lock on this product. The key is a round flat disc, metal with TB logo on one side, soft red velvet on the other side. All it takes is a quick swipe over the magic spot and the lock is undone. The key can easily stick (magnetically of course) to the metal logo on the inside of the lid. If you ever lose your key, you may simply ask ToiBocks to send you a new one (great reason to register your new ToiBocks as soon as possible).
I found the quality of this product to be just what I expected from the high price tag. Costing near $100, I expected it to be in excellent condition and flawlessly made; I was not disappointed at all. The finish on the wood in nicely done with no runs or streaks or thin spots. The shine is lovely, and the feel is silky smooth. The inside is covered in red velvet, and it looks just exquisite! I have no problem storing my diamond jewelry in the top tray of this, as it looks just as beautiful as my jewels. The hinges are smooth working, and the lock works perfectly every time for me as well. Little rubber feet are included that may be put on the bottom of the ToiBocks to protect whatever you set it upon, if you so wish. I did not put mine on, as I do not place it directly on other furniture but instead on a decorative runner.
When it comes to storage space, this is 11" x 7" x 6.25" or 41.25 cubic inches. With the tray in place the bottom compartment is 2.5" deep. I could fit a couple more toys into it if I so wished, but currently I am storing inside of it these toys: Smart balls, Clear ribbed G-spot wonder, Passion bullets dual, G-Spot Gemstone, Power penis vibrator, and the Vibrating C-Ring. Like I said though, there is room for a couple more toys. I imagine I could fit a couple medium to smallish dildos and a bullet or two. If you are not worried about people finding your stuff (which is kinda the purpose behind this) you could also keep a few toys in the top tray or else not even use the tray at all. Condoms fit perfectly in the two smaller compartments, and the larger area is perfect for cock rings or nipple jewelry.
Be aware that while this thing does hold enough toys to be functional, it serves best as a handy spot for favorites. I have roughly around 80 toys (no, I am not going to go count them all) so my collection is on the large side. I keep my smaller favorites in this, as it will hold neither my Hitachi or my Lone Star (damned big balls that it has barely won't fit).
Over all, I think this is a great product and I am excited to see the rest of the line of products from ToiBocks. This is an excellent product for people with children, nosy guests, or room mates. The ToiTissue is also for sale at EdenFantasys, and I have the overwhelming sense that I must own it as well :P
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Thursday, January 8, 2009
Shit Face Must Die...Please?
Sometimes life sucks, sometimes life sucks you through a meat grinder genitals first, other times you come home after having a car break down and find your abusive ex inside of your house with a friend, and the place has been trashed.
Geez, I don't even feel like writing. My holidays were pretty good, though I was longer than expected. I just got home today actually. I attempted to come home the 4th but my fricking car overheated...turned out to be the fan not working (at all) and a stuck thermostat. After that was all fixed the weather turned shitty and the roads were closed. So finally I got to come home today.
I pulled into the drive way to see that my sidewalks had not been shoveled since I had left. I open the door and I get hit in the face with the smell of cat shit. I exclaimed out loud even, "it smells like cat shit in here and that asshole didn't do anything he said he would." See, my abusive ex had promised to watch my cats and keep the house up while I was gone. I had no one else to do it and couldn't really take them with me, so was stuck with having him (whom I had been on pretty good terms with) doing it for me.
Much to my surprise, "shit face" pokes his head around the doorway and says "keep it down, I have company." Excuse the dog shit out of me?! MY HOME! He was to stop by only to check on the cats and shovel the walkway, NOTHING was ever said about bringing other shit faces into my home. I proceeded to scream at shit face and asked him what the fuck he thought he was doing. Shit face number 1 and 2 both ran from the house like scared little dogs. I called shit face and demanded my house key AND the car key back. This made shit face angry, and in a moment of utter stupidity he forgot who is in the power position at the moment. He tried to act like I was out of line for getting angry he had invited someone I have never even met into my home while I was gone. Geez, crazy me that I didn't want his looser friends in the home where my children sleep at night.
Argument ensued, I hung up the phone, and proceeded to break my foot on the kitchen cabinet. That not being good enough, I stomped the shit out of a dinging room chair and kicked the table until glasses (dirty, shit face left them) fell on the floor and shattered...some glasses survived, I hurdled them into the trash so they wouldn't feel left out. I have never been in such a blind rage before. If shit head would have been there I would have ripped his throat out with my teeth. No joking, I was angry enough I could have killed him. I didn't take kindly to him threatening me over the phone and acting like I'm crazy for not automatically forgiving him for crossing the line (yet again, and oh yeah, all the fucking lies he told me while I was gone). Um, who is the abusive shit face who lies through every fucking tooth he has? Not me.
Shit face tried calling back, but I didn't answer. I started to realise how stupid it had been to kick the cabinet as the pain in my toe started. I couldn't stop the tears from coming as I limped while dragging the chair to the door where I threw it as hard as I could onto the concrete walk outside. I limped to the freezer to grab an ice pack, then limped to the couch where I sat and cried as my big toe swelled and turned purple.
I did go sweep up the glass off of the floor, and while doing so noticed the cigarette pack (empty of course) in my garbage along with all the junk food wrappers and energy drink cans. Looking around some more I noticed that he had left the lube out downstairs, the cat box had not been scooped in at least a week (it was cat shit upon cat shit, there wasn't even any liter visible anymore) and there was a bunch of junk lying around upstairs as well. I noticed he had been playing my Xbox 360, had been into MY dvds and cds, and had not picked up or cleaned a damned thing in the house.
I was most pissed about him having someone over in my house and the smoking. I didn't care that he had used the fleshlight (though I may cut it up just because it would feel good to do so) but it pissed me off that he didn't bother putting the lube away ( I did NOT smell it to see if he had washed it after use...eww). I checked the pc banking and discovered that out of his $700 paycheck, about $330 was left for me and the girls...until he left the house here and pulled out another $100 in cash...children don't need to eat after all, right? He had better hope I don't catch him walking anywhere or I may accidentally run him over with the car, stop, back up, and run him over again...10 times...
I am only full of rage still. I called him and again demanded he leave the keys (or else I'd tell the coppers on him) and I told him we are done. "I will forgive you when you die, and not a day before" was how I explained my anger to him...even a complete moron should be able to figure that one out. I told him he was not to call me ever again or I would report him to the police. I told him that I was done and I never wanted to see him or speak with him, I want a divorce. He simply said "fine" and hung up.
That was several hours ago, and I've spent most all of that time crying. I've been mostly pissed off beyond belief and a little scared. I wouldn't say I am sad at all right now. I do worry if anyone will ever want me again. Will I be able to find a man that isn't an ass and a moron? Will I ever fall in love again? How the fuck am I going to support myself and two little girls? Where do I get the money for a divorce? He has power over me in the fact that I have no money or resources. The only way I would be able to divorce him would be if I can get aid somewhere or a family member helps me to pay.
I honestly can't stay here. My girl has school here, but I have no one to watch the girls for me while I do any business stuff (hunt down jobs or college or seek a divorce). I don't really know where to go or what to do, but I do know that as long as I live here so close to him he will always be able to rope me back in. I really like this city, and it pisses me off to have to leave because of shit face, but I honestly don't have any other choice. I will go live with my parents while I figure out how the hell I am going to do this. Maybe I'll end up living with my sister while I attend college, who knows.
Leaving here will mean that I will loose Internet access and any means by which to test sex toys...so I will be saying goodbye for awhile. I am hoping it will not be permanent, but it could be a very long time until I can get back into the swing of things. This isn't goodbye yet...just know that it is coming very swiftly this way...
Geez, I don't even feel like writing. My holidays were pretty good, though I was longer than expected. I just got home today actually. I attempted to come home the 4th but my fricking car overheated...turned out to be the fan not working (at all) and a stuck thermostat. After that was all fixed the weather turned shitty and the roads were closed. So finally I got to come home today.
I pulled into the drive way to see that my sidewalks had not been shoveled since I had left. I open the door and I get hit in the face with the smell of cat shit. I exclaimed out loud even, "it smells like cat shit in here and that asshole didn't do anything he said he would." See, my abusive ex had promised to watch my cats and keep the house up while I was gone. I had no one else to do it and couldn't really take them with me, so was stuck with having him (whom I had been on pretty good terms with) doing it for me.
Much to my surprise, "shit face" pokes his head around the doorway and says "keep it down, I have company." Excuse the dog shit out of me?! MY HOME! He was to stop by only to check on the cats and shovel the walkway, NOTHING was ever said about bringing other shit faces into my home. I proceeded to scream at shit face and asked him what the fuck he thought he was doing. Shit face number 1 and 2 both ran from the house like scared little dogs. I called shit face and demanded my house key AND the car key back. This made shit face angry, and in a moment of utter stupidity he forgot who is in the power position at the moment. He tried to act like I was out of line for getting angry he had invited someone I have never even met into my home while I was gone. Geez, crazy me that I didn't want his looser friends in the home where my children sleep at night.
Argument ensued, I hung up the phone, and proceeded to break my foot on the kitchen cabinet. That not being good enough, I stomped the shit out of a dinging room chair and kicked the table until glasses (dirty, shit face left them) fell on the floor and shattered...some glasses survived, I hurdled them into the trash so they wouldn't feel left out. I have never been in such a blind rage before. If shit head would have been there I would have ripped his throat out with my teeth. No joking, I was angry enough I could have killed him. I didn't take kindly to him threatening me over the phone and acting like I'm crazy for not automatically forgiving him for crossing the line (yet again, and oh yeah, all the fucking lies he told me while I was gone). Um, who is the abusive shit face who lies through every fucking tooth he has? Not me.
Shit face tried calling back, but I didn't answer. I started to realise how stupid it had been to kick the cabinet as the pain in my toe started. I couldn't stop the tears from coming as I limped while dragging the chair to the door where I threw it as hard as I could onto the concrete walk outside. I limped to the freezer to grab an ice pack, then limped to the couch where I sat and cried as my big toe swelled and turned purple.
I did go sweep up the glass off of the floor, and while doing so noticed the cigarette pack (empty of course) in my garbage along with all the junk food wrappers and energy drink cans. Looking around some more I noticed that he had left the lube out downstairs, the cat box had not been scooped in at least a week (it was cat shit upon cat shit, there wasn't even any liter visible anymore) and there was a bunch of junk lying around upstairs as well. I noticed he had been playing my Xbox 360, had been into MY dvds and cds, and had not picked up or cleaned a damned thing in the house.
I was most pissed about him having someone over in my house and the smoking. I didn't care that he had used the fleshlight (though I may cut it up just because it would feel good to do so) but it pissed me off that he didn't bother putting the lube away ( I did NOT smell it to see if he had washed it after use...eww). I checked the pc banking and discovered that out of his $700 paycheck, about $330 was left for me and the girls...until he left the house here and pulled out another $100 in cash...children don't need to eat after all, right? He had better hope I don't catch him walking anywhere or I may accidentally run him over with the car, stop, back up, and run him over again...10 times...
I am only full of rage still. I called him and again demanded he leave the keys (or else I'd tell the coppers on him) and I told him we are done. "I will forgive you when you die, and not a day before" was how I explained my anger to him...even a complete moron should be able to figure that one out. I told him he was not to call me ever again or I would report him to the police. I told him that I was done and I never wanted to see him or speak with him, I want a divorce. He simply said "fine" and hung up.
That was several hours ago, and I've spent most all of that time crying. I've been mostly pissed off beyond belief and a little scared. I wouldn't say I am sad at all right now. I do worry if anyone will ever want me again. Will I be able to find a man that isn't an ass and a moron? Will I ever fall in love again? How the fuck am I going to support myself and two little girls? Where do I get the money for a divorce? He has power over me in the fact that I have no money or resources. The only way I would be able to divorce him would be if I can get aid somewhere or a family member helps me to pay.
I honestly can't stay here. My girl has school here, but I have no one to watch the girls for me while I do any business stuff (hunt down jobs or college or seek a divorce). I don't really know where to go or what to do, but I do know that as long as I live here so close to him he will always be able to rope me back in. I really like this city, and it pisses me off to have to leave because of shit face, but I honestly don't have any other choice. I will go live with my parents while I figure out how the hell I am going to do this. Maybe I'll end up living with my sister while I attend college, who knows.
Leaving here will mean that I will loose Internet access and any means by which to test sex toys...so I will be saying goodbye for awhile. I am hoping it will not be permanent, but it could be a very long time until I can get back into the swing of things. This isn't goodbye yet...just know that it is coming very swiftly this way...
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I should be in bed...sleeping.
I seriously need to stop staying up so late. Here I am, sitting in front of the computer screen, and it is after 12:30 am. Why do I do this?! I am addicted to sex toys, I know that much. Most of my time online is spent drooling over countless toys that I can't afford. I could be in bed playing with myself, spraying my sheets with ejaculate...but no, I am sitting here.
Besides drooling over toys, I frustrate myself playing a web browser game called Ikariam. It is not a hard game, not hard at all. What frustrates me about it is how freaking long it takes to do anything. I am currently working on building up my governor palaces in order to create a new colony. I have spent over a week shipping resources to a town, then some ass tries to pillage said town. All that time wasted. Granted I am no push over in this game, and my score is 3 times what his is. He mysteriously has his upgrades maxed out and has a butt load of really good troops and ships...thing about this that is so weird is that he only has two towns; a marble and a wine. I know that he needs sulfur to build troops and ships, and I know he needs tons and tons of crystal glass to upgrade those troops and ships. He doesn't have the gold to be buying this stuff and his score is low. How did he get so much stuff without building up his towns and expanding like everyone else has to do? Is he one of the people who use real life money to buy virtual crap? If so, "ha ha ha on you sucker!" Okay, that wasn't nice. Seriously though, I can't think of any other way he has so much stuff.
What do I do about this small annoyance? Why, I build up my army and wipe his ass until he bleeds. MWA HA HA HA! I have forced people off of the server before; might as well do it again (why isn't there an evil grin smiley?). I upped my sulfur production to the max and am building troop and ships as fast as I can in all 5 of my towns (remember he only has 2 ;). Why is it so satisfying to crush people in virtual scenarios?
Back to toys again. I created my gift registry for EdenFantasys a couple days back. I have to admit, my registry is filled with awesome awesome toys. :D I am so Randy for the Randy by Vixen. I can't even express how badly I want to get my lusty little hands on that blue cock. So yummy looking. I love the colors of it, black and blue (there's a joke there somewhere, I can feel it ;) it is VixSkin!!! It has a suction cup base!!! and it is thick...think 2 1/4 inches thick...*drools uncontrollably* so delicious looking :) No surprise the thing is sold out...fuck, if I had the money I would have bought it as soon as it went live on the site.
Of course I added the Liberator Throe to my gift registry as well. Now that squirting is a common thing during my masturbation sessions, I really really (REALLY) need some way to protect my sheets. I used to have normal messy sex. I am pretty well lubed naturally, and tend to drip a little when greatly aroused. In addition to my own juices, I enjoy some added lube also. Sometimes I like something warming, silky, slick, or tasty. When my husband was involved he of course added his pre-cum and his squirt-cum into the mix. I used to think my sex was wet and messy. Ha! What a laugh. A towel folded in half used to take care of the mess back then; no longer is this the case. Now that I spray buckets of cum, towels just don't cut it anymore. Three towels folded in half do nothing but provide a bit of elevation so that I am better angled to spray cum over a wider area; thus defeating the whole purpose of having the towels there in the first place.
My gift registry contains many wonderful things. Most of them are quite expensive, but I also have some cheaper items as well. The warming and cooling lubes/gels for one, and the Night light condoms, as well as some nipple clamps. So many fun and exciting things. I could go on for hours just talking about them...until my wrists cramp up on me that is.
I've been talking to my husband more than I should lately (once is too much when it goes against a court order). I did a post recently about foreskin restoration. I had shared this info with my husband and he expressed interest in it. Last night I asked him if he had thought about trying it out, and he told me that he has been taping. Granted he isn't doing it every day, I was still pretty excited to learn that he is doing it at all. I hope he sticks with it and gains some foreskin even if he never reaches full coverage. I don't know why I am so excited over this when I don't even know if we will be getting a divorce or not.
Speaking of my husband, I have been craving cock like mad lately. I usually get super horny around egg poppin' time, but I just kicked Aunt Flo to the curb and I'm already craving his cock! What is the deal? I'm usually sort of horny (that's a lie, I am almost always extremely horny) but usually a toy is satisfying enough. I have been lusting after the feel of his flesh even after 4 delicious orgasms. It is driving me insane. I've started having erotic fucking dreams about him again. I wake up feeling exhausted (and oddly enough, still insanely horny) after 7 hours of sex dreams. Good thing we are separated, or else he would be sore and raw by now. My hormones may be a little wack right now...I've been thinking about babies a lot lately.
Besides drooling over toys, I frustrate myself playing a web browser game called Ikariam. It is not a hard game, not hard at all. What frustrates me about it is how freaking long it takes to do anything. I am currently working on building up my governor palaces in order to create a new colony. I have spent over a week shipping resources to a town, then some ass tries to pillage said town. All that time wasted. Granted I am no push over in this game, and my score is 3 times what his is. He mysteriously has his upgrades maxed out and has a butt load of really good troops and ships...thing about this that is so weird is that he only has two towns; a marble and a wine. I know that he needs sulfur to build troops and ships, and I know he needs tons and tons of crystal glass to upgrade those troops and ships. He doesn't have the gold to be buying this stuff and his score is low. How did he get so much stuff without building up his towns and expanding like everyone else has to do? Is he one of the people who use real life money to buy virtual crap? If so, "ha ha ha on you sucker!" Okay, that wasn't nice. Seriously though, I can't think of any other way he has so much stuff.
What do I do about this small annoyance? Why, I build up my army and wipe his ass until he bleeds. MWA HA HA HA! I have forced people off of the server before; might as well do it again (why isn't there an evil grin smiley?). I upped my sulfur production to the max and am building troop and ships as fast as I can in all 5 of my towns (remember he only has 2 ;). Why is it so satisfying to crush people in virtual scenarios?
Back to toys again. I created my gift registry for EdenFantasys a couple days back. I have to admit, my registry is filled with awesome awesome toys. :D I am so Randy for the Randy by Vixen. I can't even express how badly I want to get my lusty little hands on that blue cock. So yummy looking. I love the colors of it, black and blue (there's a joke there somewhere, I can feel it ;) it is VixSkin!!! It has a suction cup base!!! and it is thick...think 2 1/4 inches thick...*drools uncontrollably* so delicious looking :) No surprise the thing is sold out...fuck, if I had the money I would have bought it as soon as it went live on the site.
Of course I added the Liberator Throe to my gift registry as well. Now that squirting is a common thing during my masturbation sessions, I really really (REALLY) need some way to protect my sheets. I used to have normal messy sex. I am pretty well lubed naturally, and tend to drip a little when greatly aroused. In addition to my own juices, I enjoy some added lube also. Sometimes I like something warming, silky, slick, or tasty. When my husband was involved he of course added his pre-cum and his squirt-cum into the mix. I used to think my sex was wet and messy. Ha! What a laugh. A towel folded in half used to take care of the mess back then; no longer is this the case. Now that I spray buckets of cum, towels just don't cut it anymore. Three towels folded in half do nothing but provide a bit of elevation so that I am better angled to spray cum over a wider area; thus defeating the whole purpose of having the towels there in the first place.
My gift registry contains many wonderful things. Most of them are quite expensive, but I also have some cheaper items as well. The warming and cooling lubes/gels for one, and the Night light condoms, as well as some nipple clamps. So many fun and exciting things. I could go on for hours just talking about them...until my wrists cramp up on me that is.
I've been talking to my husband more than I should lately (once is too much when it goes against a court order). I did a post recently about foreskin restoration. I had shared this info with my husband and he expressed interest in it. Last night I asked him if he had thought about trying it out, and he told me that he has been taping. Granted he isn't doing it every day, I was still pretty excited to learn that he is doing it at all. I hope he sticks with it and gains some foreskin even if he never reaches full coverage. I don't know why I am so excited over this when I don't even know if we will be getting a divorce or not.
Speaking of my husband, I have been craving cock like mad lately. I usually get super horny around egg poppin' time, but I just kicked Aunt Flo to the curb and I'm already craving his cock! What is the deal? I'm usually sort of horny (that's a lie, I am almost always extremely horny) but usually a toy is satisfying enough. I have been lusting after the feel of his flesh even after 4 delicious orgasms. It is driving me insane. I've started having erotic fucking dreams about him again. I wake up feeling exhausted (and oddly enough, still insanely horny) after 7 hours of sex dreams. Good thing we are separated, or else he would be sore and raw by now. My hormones may be a little wack right now...I've been thinking about babies a lot lately.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Cock skin...gone for good?
What exactly does all that extra cock skin do? Every guy in the world is circumcised, right? WRONG! And for good reason. The foreskin isn't there just to look sexy...in fact, it is there for several reasons; the main one being protection. The foreskin helps to protect the glans (otherwise known as the "head") from cold, and rubbing. The foreskin also serves purpose during sexual activities. The skin slipping over the glans is reportedly amazing feeling, not to mention the wrinkles feel lovely to the vagina as well.
One thing I have to admit...I've never fucked a guy with a natural cock...never even been able to hold one in my hand, or gaze upon one that wasn't on my computer screen.
I had thought my husband's penis was gorgeous looking...little did I know it was actually disfigured by his infant circumcision. Now aesthetic damage is pretty common in snipped penises...it just isn't acknowledged by the medical community...after all, it doesn't show up until adulthood is reached and the penis has grown substantially. Some of the most common problems are scarring, skin tags, bridges, varicose veins, dry and rough glans, tight circumcisions, and hairy penis.
My husband is cursed with a huge varicose vein located on the top part of his shaft near the base, tight circumcision, a wrinkled lump of scar tissue in addition to the scar band around his shaft, a few hairs half way up his shaft (he plucks them, believe it or not), and a dry and very sore glans.
I thought most of these things were normal, because lets face it, cut cocks have scars, and the skin is usually pretty tight, and aren't really large penile veins to be lusted after? How did I learn these aren't normal then? I was doing general research on circumcisions mostly for the fun of it. I was curious what main arguments are against circumcision (I had previously only been aware the foreskin makes sex feel better for the man) and I happened to stumble upon some information about foreskin restoration.
How could it be possible to undo a circumcision? Well, its quite simple really; you "stretch" the skin. This is not difficult to do and is painless. You gently pull the skin of a flaccid penis forward until it covers the tip, then you tape it in place. As the penis relaxes it puts some strain on the skin, and as the skin is gently pulled the body naturally compensates and grows new skin. Just think about the stretching that takes place when ear plugs are used, or when you get pregnant (though that is much more extreme than this). Now don't be rushing out and buying cases of duct tape, there is a right way and a wrong way to do this. I won't list all the specifics of it, but instead provide a link to a place that provides more information at the end of this post.
The process takes a long time, 1.5-3 years from what I've read. Men do notice a great difference just after a couple months however, and after sufficient time are able to fully regrow their foreskin to the point it looks nearly identical to a natural penis. Of course the severed nerves can't be regrown, but getting some of it back is better than not having any of the protective skin.
I've wondered to myself, does fate have a little something to do with why I had two girls? Even just a year ago, if I would have had a boy, we would have gotten him circumcised...I would NEVER even consider having that done now...I know better.
I've discussed this with my husband. I've spent several hours over the phone telling him everything I know about this subject. I know regrowing his foreskin would be very beneficial to him. Oral sex and hand jobs are painful for him if not done carefully. His glans is so rough and sore that I would have to be very careful to not let my lips pass over it too often. Manual stimulation was even worse because hands aren't as soft as lips are. He sounded very interested in restoring his foreskin, though worried I would think it was ugly. I used to think natural cocks looked weird, but now I see them as healthy and sexy. Cut cocks just make me think of mutilation. My husband seems whole-heatedly to believe he will change his ways and heal the abuse. Admittedly, I can see that he is trying, but I'm not getting my hopes up over this as I've read the statistics. No matter how all that crap works out, I would like to see him repair his penis.
Now for the links I promised :)
Video #1 shows video and pictures of restored penises, plus some good info.
Video #2 shows a baby being circumcised, and was difficult for me to watch because of it, but I"m glad I did. Also includes some good arguments and info.
www.norm.org and www.infocirc.com both have some really great info and links to other sites.
Here is a direct link to a site that has pictures of botched circumcisions...some of these pictures are disturbing and difficult to look at...you've been warned.
Here is one man's photos during his restoration process.
Isn't it wonderful that men are able to restore some of what was stolen away from them as infants? I think it is, and I wish every man knew he had this option.
Any thoughts about the common complications of circumcision or the restoring of foreskin? I welcome any and all comments on the subject, so start typing!
One thing I have to admit...I've never fucked a guy with a natural cock...never even been able to hold one in my hand, or gaze upon one that wasn't on my computer screen.
I had thought my husband's penis was gorgeous looking...little did I know it was actually disfigured by his infant circumcision. Now aesthetic damage is pretty common in snipped penises...it just isn't acknowledged by the medical community...after all, it doesn't show up until adulthood is reached and the penis has grown substantially. Some of the most common problems are scarring, skin tags, bridges, varicose veins, dry and rough glans, tight circumcisions, and hairy penis.
My husband is cursed with a huge varicose vein located on the top part of his shaft near the base, tight circumcision, a wrinkled lump of scar tissue in addition to the scar band around his shaft, a few hairs half way up his shaft (he plucks them, believe it or not), and a dry and very sore glans.
I thought most of these things were normal, because lets face it, cut cocks have scars, and the skin is usually pretty tight, and aren't really large penile veins to be lusted after? How did I learn these aren't normal then? I was doing general research on circumcisions mostly for the fun of it. I was curious what main arguments are against circumcision (I had previously only been aware the foreskin makes sex feel better for the man) and I happened to stumble upon some information about foreskin restoration.
How could it be possible to undo a circumcision? Well, its quite simple really; you "stretch" the skin. This is not difficult to do and is painless. You gently pull the skin of a flaccid penis forward until it covers the tip, then you tape it in place. As the penis relaxes it puts some strain on the skin, and as the skin is gently pulled the body naturally compensates and grows new skin. Just think about the stretching that takes place when ear plugs are used, or when you get pregnant (though that is much more extreme than this). Now don't be rushing out and buying cases of duct tape, there is a right way and a wrong way to do this. I won't list all the specifics of it, but instead provide a link to a place that provides more information at the end of this post.
The process takes a long time, 1.5-3 years from what I've read. Men do notice a great difference just after a couple months however, and after sufficient time are able to fully regrow their foreskin to the point it looks nearly identical to a natural penis. Of course the severed nerves can't be regrown, but getting some of it back is better than not having any of the protective skin.
I've wondered to myself, does fate have a little something to do with why I had two girls? Even just a year ago, if I would have had a boy, we would have gotten him circumcised...I would NEVER even consider having that done now...I know better.
I've discussed this with my husband. I've spent several hours over the phone telling him everything I know about this subject. I know regrowing his foreskin would be very beneficial to him. Oral sex and hand jobs are painful for him if not done carefully. His glans is so rough and sore that I would have to be very careful to not let my lips pass over it too often. Manual stimulation was even worse because hands aren't as soft as lips are. He sounded very interested in restoring his foreskin, though worried I would think it was ugly. I used to think natural cocks looked weird, but now I see them as healthy and sexy. Cut cocks just make me think of mutilation. My husband seems whole-heatedly to believe he will change his ways and heal the abuse. Admittedly, I can see that he is trying, but I'm not getting my hopes up over this as I've read the statistics. No matter how all that crap works out, I would like to see him repair his penis.
Now for the links I promised :)
Video #1 shows video and pictures of restored penises, plus some good info.
Video #2 shows a baby being circumcised, and was difficult for me to watch because of it, but I"m glad I did. Also includes some good arguments and info.
www.norm.org and www.infocirc.com both have some really great info and links to other sites.
Here is a direct link to a site that has pictures of botched circumcisions...some of these pictures are disturbing and difficult to look at...you've been warned.
Here is one man's photos during his restoration process.
Isn't it wonderful that men are able to restore some of what was stolen away from them as infants? I think it is, and I wish every man knew he had this option.
Any thoughts about the common complications of circumcision or the restoring of foreskin? I welcome any and all comments on the subject, so start typing!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Random Updates
Well, no particular direction with this post...is there ever? Nah, I think not. Most of the time I ramble, sometimes I try to stick to a certain topic, but it always end up being a bunch of random crap strewn throughout that topic. I know, I have a "gift" for rambling...ain't I lucky ;)
First random update, 2 REVIEWS DONE!!! Yay!! My free assignment review for the Passion Bullets Dual is up. I submitted it this morning and it went up before noon...very fast Edan, very fast. I also submitted my review for a Description Program toy last night. It is a traditional vibrator by Evolved. Though not up yet, I'll link to it's page anyways. The Rhapsody. Hopefully it is up soon. Description toys take longer to post than free assignment toys in my experience. Random thought here...I am not getting as many toys from the program as I was. I think this may be due to having a couple toys late because of the whole mess in my personal life (yeah, the abuse and crap with my husband). At the very beginning I got a box of 5 toys. I was receiving two toys out at a time (kinda reminded me of Netflix actually, lol) with the new toys being sent out as soon as my reviews posted to the site. Now I am getting one toy at a time, and it is taking longer to be assigned a new one. I can't say as it bothers me, getting the toys less often that is. I have enough freaking toys as it is! I love getting new ones, but I honestly need some new storage solutions.
Second random update, I'm on twitter now! Yay! Not much to say about it really. I just got my account set up today and got a few people to follow. I will go and ad more later, or at least I'm planning on it.
Third random update, I've been knitting a lot lately. I am working on a stole in this hideous yellow color that is the exact color of breastfed newborn babies' poop...not joking at all. It was something my husband picked out for me to knit a shrug with, and um...I couldn't force myself to use it. I am almost done with the lacy stole (think wide long scarf) and perhaps I'll post a picture of it once it's done. I think it is easier to handle the yellow (oddly called "gold," never seen shit colored gold before...) in a stole than it would be in a shrug or sweater. I'm also working on a knit vest for my 2 year old nephew. It is turning out really well, though it is looking a bit wide-ish.
This brings me to another random thought...why are baby and toddler clothes all made for children who are as wide as they are tall? Looking at children's sizes though, they are built for little twig children. Am I missing something here, or do children go from being little cute blobs to skinny stick like people when they turn 5-6? I have ALWAYS had to put tucks in my children's clothes, so do most women I know (except one, and her little guy happens to be one of the chunkiest kids I've ever seen). My eldest has one child's XS shirt, and it is MUCH skinnier than her 4T size shirts...seriously...WTF?
Random update number 4, I've been on YouTube a lot lately. I know, I know...how lame is that. I have always been one to actually be on the verge of hatred when it came to youtube. The majority of people who comment on the videos are obviously a bunch of trolls and juvenile delinquents (or at least they like acting like it). The past few weeks I have found a couple channels that I actually do like and enjoy.
I've enjoyed some of the videos by SMP Films, particularly the Mean Kitty ones. Sparta has his own channel here is a link. I like kitties, and my orange kitty is a bitter just like Sparta. Some cute videos on there. Sparta chases video game characters on the TV, my kitty does that too. Funny thing is, he also chases people's hands on TV. He likes Barack Obama the best, I think it's because he makes lots of hand gestures when he talks. It is funny and cute to watch my crazy cat go bonkers over Obama's hands :)
My favorite channel on youtube has to be the JeepersMedia channel. That guy owns waaaaaaay too many toys (NOT sex toys, but actual children's toys, although some are tarted towards teens and adults). Some of his reviews are hilarious...seriously, I don't think I've laughed as hard as I did over the Batman and the Tarzan toys as well as the spongebob thermometer (I love the song he made up for it, too funny). Watch them, you won't regret it.
Random update number 5, my husband is still bugging me. Why? Who knows honestly. He did get another job yesterday though, and today is his first day. Hopefully he can hang onto this one. Last job he only had for two weeks. The boss hired a friend so needed to fire someone, and he chose the new guy of course. I don't know, the whole deal is annoying at best. His hearing is on the 15th, with his actual trial date set for Feb 4th. I don't know what exactly I want to happen, but I have refused to go beg the prosecutor to go easy on him. So what if he gets a Misdemeanor? I think all people who commit PFMA's (Partner/Family Member Assault) should be Felons, hell, that's what it is for beating animals. Hurting animals is horrid, but why is it considered worse than beating people? Anyways, I am tired of living like this. Perhaps it will change someday...wonder if it'll be for better or for worse?
Wow, is that really all the randomness I have? No, I suppose not. I do want to review my bottle of Fizz lube at some point today. I still have a few toys to review. I need to look into getting something for storage. I can barely zip my FYN Adult Toy Chest (kinda pissed that I paid $95 for it and now it sells for $60 at Eden, what gives with the huge price drop anyways, and couldn't it have happened before I bought mine :( ), and I have three small boxes in my closet filled with toys, plus the Hitachi and four dildos (and 5+ bottles of lube) that sit on my nightstand. I really need to find something better.
Enough randomness for now. Naruto is distracting me anyways. I really should stop telling people that I like that lame show...lol
First random update, 2 REVIEWS DONE!!! Yay!! My free assignment review for the Passion Bullets Dual is up. I submitted it this morning and it went up before noon...very fast Edan, very fast. I also submitted my review for a Description Program toy last night. It is a traditional vibrator by Evolved. Though not up yet, I'll link to it's page anyways. The Rhapsody. Hopefully it is up soon. Description toys take longer to post than free assignment toys in my experience. Random thought here...I am not getting as many toys from the program as I was. I think this may be due to having a couple toys late because of the whole mess in my personal life (yeah, the abuse and crap with my husband). At the very beginning I got a box of 5 toys. I was receiving two toys out at a time (kinda reminded me of Netflix actually, lol) with the new toys being sent out as soon as my reviews posted to the site. Now I am getting one toy at a time, and it is taking longer to be assigned a new one. I can't say as it bothers me, getting the toys less often that is. I have enough freaking toys as it is! I love getting new ones, but I honestly need some new storage solutions.
Second random update, I'm on twitter now! Yay! Not much to say about it really. I just got my account set up today and got a few people to follow. I will go and ad more later, or at least I'm planning on it.
Third random update, I've been knitting a lot lately. I am working on a stole in this hideous yellow color that is the exact color of breastfed newborn babies' poop...not joking at all. It was something my husband picked out for me to knit a shrug with, and um...I couldn't force myself to use it. I am almost done with the lacy stole (think wide long scarf) and perhaps I'll post a picture of it once it's done. I think it is easier to handle the yellow (oddly called "gold," never seen shit colored gold before...) in a stole than it would be in a shrug or sweater. I'm also working on a knit vest for my 2 year old nephew. It is turning out really well, though it is looking a bit wide-ish.
This brings me to another random thought...why are baby and toddler clothes all made for children who are as wide as they are tall? Looking at children's sizes though, they are built for little twig children. Am I missing something here, or do children go from being little cute blobs to skinny stick like people when they turn 5-6? I have ALWAYS had to put tucks in my children's clothes, so do most women I know (except one, and her little guy happens to be one of the chunkiest kids I've ever seen). My eldest has one child's XS shirt, and it is MUCH skinnier than her 4T size shirts...seriously...WTF?
Random update number 4, I've been on YouTube a lot lately. I know, I know...how lame is that. I have always been one to actually be on the verge of hatred when it came to youtube. The majority of people who comment on the videos are obviously a bunch of trolls and juvenile delinquents (or at least they like acting like it). The past few weeks I have found a couple channels that I actually do like and enjoy.
I've enjoyed some of the videos by SMP Films, particularly the Mean Kitty ones. Sparta has his own channel here is a link. I like kitties, and my orange kitty is a bitter just like Sparta. Some cute videos on there. Sparta chases video game characters on the TV, my kitty does that too. Funny thing is, he also chases people's hands on TV. He likes Barack Obama the best, I think it's because he makes lots of hand gestures when he talks. It is funny and cute to watch my crazy cat go bonkers over Obama's hands :)
My favorite channel on youtube has to be the JeepersMedia channel. That guy owns waaaaaaay too many toys (NOT sex toys, but actual children's toys, although some are tarted towards teens and adults). Some of his reviews are hilarious...seriously, I don't think I've laughed as hard as I did over the Batman and the Tarzan toys as well as the spongebob thermometer (I love the song he made up for it, too funny). Watch them, you won't regret it.
Random update number 5, my husband is still bugging me. Why? Who knows honestly. He did get another job yesterday though, and today is his first day. Hopefully he can hang onto this one. Last job he only had for two weeks. The boss hired a friend so needed to fire someone, and he chose the new guy of course. I don't know, the whole deal is annoying at best. His hearing is on the 15th, with his actual trial date set for Feb 4th. I don't know what exactly I want to happen, but I have refused to go beg the prosecutor to go easy on him. So what if he gets a Misdemeanor? I think all people who commit PFMA's (Partner/Family Member Assault) should be Felons, hell, that's what it is for beating animals. Hurting animals is horrid, but why is it considered worse than beating people? Anyways, I am tired of living like this. Perhaps it will change someday...wonder if it'll be for better or for worse?
Wow, is that really all the randomness I have? No, I suppose not. I do want to review my bottle of Fizz lube at some point today. I still have a few toys to review. I need to look into getting something for storage. I can barely zip my FYN Adult Toy Chest (kinda pissed that I paid $95 for it and now it sells for $60 at Eden, what gives with the huge price drop anyways, and couldn't it have happened before I bought mine :( ), and I have three small boxes in my closet filled with toys, plus the Hitachi and four dildos (and 5+ bottles of lube) that sit on my nightstand. I really need to find something better.
Enough randomness for now. Naruto is distracting me anyways. I really should stop telling people that I like that lame show...lol
Monday, December 8, 2008
My first time
I've heard of it, who hasn't? Browsing all those online "free" porn sites (all billions of them), I came across extreme examples. It was obvious it wasn't real, just as obvious as the 12 inch long cocks that have an obvious Penis-to-extension line. My curiosity was peaked however, and I asked myself "is it possible?" A few years later I happened upon the sex toy store EdenFantasys, and there was a forum post talking about it. Yes, I'm talking about female ejaculation.
I must admit I felt a little angry when I found out it was possible for female anatomy to ejaculate, but I never had. I tried for quite awhile after learning about it, and honestly just frustrated myself so much I would get angry thinking about masturbating. It had become a goal for me. I had orgasmed from dry humping, nipple play (a couple times, though I can't do it whenever I want), from hand jobs, oral sex, intercourse (both vaginal stimulation and specific G-spot), and anal sex. So why had I never "squirted?" I am not the type of person who is comforted by statements such as "few women are able to ejaculate" in fact I see it as a challenge.
I tried most desperately to squirt for a few months. I struggled with the relaxation part of it. I tried stimulating my G-spot by myself until both arms were stiff with pain, and I had my husband stimulate me until both his arms were stiff with pain. I went to great lengths to relax and stimulate myself into areas of pure bliss. Well, it didn't happen. I had a lot of really amazing orgasms and several hours of truly great sex, both partner and solo, but I never ejaculated. I finally just decided that I wasn't able to squirt. I threw in the towel and stopped the quest.
Some time has passed, my life has changed. My husband lives at the local homeless shelter, is jobless, and ordered by the court to have no contact with me. That whole mess is complicated, and I've posted about it before so I won't go into any details. The point is that I am not having regular sex. We have cheated and bent the rules resulting in a small handful of sexual encounters, but my sex is nearly all solo. During this time away from him, I have been able to finally relax and enjoy myself. There is no pressure to please someone else, and there is no pressure for me to perform any specific way. I can do what I want, when I want, in a way that feels best for me.
3:02am December 5th, it happened. I had went to bed around midnight. I had planned on just a really quick masturbation for a sexual release. I had received two new toys for review from Eden that day, so I set about the initial testing. I was quite pleased with both toys, and used the traditional vibe and the dual bullets in conjunction with each other for a very good orgasm. I'll admit, something didn't feel quite right. The orgasm had been very strong, but I was left with that nagging "not complete" enough feeling that I often get after sex. I grabbed my Lone Star dildo and spent the next 90 minutes enjoying the deep and relaxing sensual stimulation. I no longer cared about going over the edge, or even IF I orgasmed a second time...how could I worry about the peak of the mountain when the climb was so damn good?
I had lost all concept of time, in fact I was no longer aware of how late at night it was. I finished a second time, and while it felt amazing, the nagging was still there. I cleaned the toys with my spray on toy cleaner, and lay back in bed. I shut my eyes and I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. The nagging was simply too strong.
My glass toy was within arms' reach, and I grabbed it. I plugged in my Hitachi Magic Wand, and flipped the switch onto "high." I winched a bit as I lowered the loud beast onto my sensitive bits, then I relaxed and let it take me into bliss. I felt like I was on the edge of orgasm, but it didn't come, and I didn't try to fight it or push it. I was incredibly wet still, and the smooth glass slid inside so effortlessly. I finally understood what it felt like to relax during sex, to truly relax and only feel...thought had no place in that moment.
I moved the glass dildo only slightly, in very small short thrusts that were more akin to a wiggle than actual stroking. The familiar sensation of needing to urinate was there, it always is when I make my g-spot happy. The sensation became rather intense, then it changed. I wouldn't say it faded, but more that it turned into a different sensation. It seemed that for the first time in my sexual life, I was aware of my urethra tube. I felt a pressure build within my g-spot and then the release. My body wanted to fight it, but I didn't allow myself to deny it, instead I opened up through relaxation.
There was no squirting that shot 6 feet across the room, in fact there was no squirting at all. I could feel the liquid running the entire length then come out. It was like a dam had been opened and all the hot fluid just flowed out. It was hot on my skin, and it seemed like it just kept coming and coming. Once it did finally stop, I could feel the muscle contractions surrounding my urethra and my g-spot area. It was strong, and it was deep. The nagging was gone, I was free.
I was still in a little state of shock, wondering if it really had happened. I sat up in bed and looked between my legs. There was a gigantic puddle underneath me. The wet spot was nearly 2 feet long and a foot wide. I couldn't help myself, I had to smell it, I had to know if it was truly cum or if it was pee. There was only a very faint scent, but it didn't smell like much...perhaps a little sweet smelling. It was very slick and actually felt a lot like lubricant. I tasted a tiny bit off my finger and it tasted like weak sugar water.
I was in a state of peace and ready for sleep. I folded a towel in half and lay it over the wet spot as I was too tired to change the sheets at 3:02 in the morning. I cleaned my two toys and put them away, then I crawled into bed. When I lay down, the cum soaked through the doubled over towel. A little annoyed, I took the soaked towel to the laundry room and put a new towel over the wet spot. I soaked the second towel thoroughly as well, and got a third towel to place over the wet spot during the night. I wish I had ejaculated into a measuring cup, just to see how much it actually was. I'm guessing it was a lot because it was my first time.
I wondered if this would be a one time only experience, but I have squirted a second time. This last time it was a little different. For one thing it took me about 30 minutes to get there, and I wasn't really worrying over it or even trying to. This time it did actually squirt though. When my husband comes the semen squirts out with quite a bit of force, and it does it in conjunction with the muscles contractions. My ex before him tended to dribble more than shoot. I heard both are normal, and so I had decided perhaps I was a dribbler after the first time, and now I'm wondering if I'm a shooter...it did shoot about 1.5 feet before landing on the bed. The second time I had a towel under me to catch the cum, but it wasn't enough.
I've decided perhaps a special sex blanket may be in order after all. I honestly thought the Liberator Throes were pretty, but completely unnecessary. Now I've decided that they actually may be worth investing in. I really don't like changing the sheets every time I masturbate. I do doubt I will squirt every single time I masturbate, but the second time was very easy to reach what I had found impossible before. It seemed like I was able to relax and release it at will once I was aroused and close enough to orgasm. The more I do it, the more likely it is that it will become easier to do.
There is some pride in saying "I am a gusher."
The toy I used both times to achieve ejaculation is the G-spot wonder.
I must admit I felt a little angry when I found out it was possible for female anatomy to ejaculate, but I never had. I tried for quite awhile after learning about it, and honestly just frustrated myself so much I would get angry thinking about masturbating. It had become a goal for me. I had orgasmed from dry humping, nipple play (a couple times, though I can't do it whenever I want), from hand jobs, oral sex, intercourse (both vaginal stimulation and specific G-spot), and anal sex. So why had I never "squirted?" I am not the type of person who is comforted by statements such as "few women are able to ejaculate" in fact I see it as a challenge.
I tried most desperately to squirt for a few months. I struggled with the relaxation part of it. I tried stimulating my G-spot by myself until both arms were stiff with pain, and I had my husband stimulate me until both his arms were stiff with pain. I went to great lengths to relax and stimulate myself into areas of pure bliss. Well, it didn't happen. I had a lot of really amazing orgasms and several hours of truly great sex, both partner and solo, but I never ejaculated. I finally just decided that I wasn't able to squirt. I threw in the towel and stopped the quest.
Some time has passed, my life has changed. My husband lives at the local homeless shelter, is jobless, and ordered by the court to have no contact with me. That whole mess is complicated, and I've posted about it before so I won't go into any details. The point is that I am not having regular sex. We have cheated and bent the rules resulting in a small handful of sexual encounters, but my sex is nearly all solo. During this time away from him, I have been able to finally relax and enjoy myself. There is no pressure to please someone else, and there is no pressure for me to perform any specific way. I can do what I want, when I want, in a way that feels best for me.
3:02am December 5th, it happened. I had went to bed around midnight. I had planned on just a really quick masturbation for a sexual release. I had received two new toys for review from Eden that day, so I set about the initial testing. I was quite pleased with both toys, and used the traditional vibe and the dual bullets in conjunction with each other for a very good orgasm. I'll admit, something didn't feel quite right. The orgasm had been very strong, but I was left with that nagging "not complete" enough feeling that I often get after sex. I grabbed my Lone Star dildo and spent the next 90 minutes enjoying the deep and relaxing sensual stimulation. I no longer cared about going over the edge, or even IF I orgasmed a second time...how could I worry about the peak of the mountain when the climb was so damn good?
I had lost all concept of time, in fact I was no longer aware of how late at night it was. I finished a second time, and while it felt amazing, the nagging was still there. I cleaned the toys with my spray on toy cleaner, and lay back in bed. I shut my eyes and I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. The nagging was simply too strong.
My glass toy was within arms' reach, and I grabbed it. I plugged in my Hitachi Magic Wand, and flipped the switch onto "high." I winched a bit as I lowered the loud beast onto my sensitive bits, then I relaxed and let it take me into bliss. I felt like I was on the edge of orgasm, but it didn't come, and I didn't try to fight it or push it. I was incredibly wet still, and the smooth glass slid inside so effortlessly. I finally understood what it felt like to relax during sex, to truly relax and only feel...thought had no place in that moment.
I moved the glass dildo only slightly, in very small short thrusts that were more akin to a wiggle than actual stroking. The familiar sensation of needing to urinate was there, it always is when I make my g-spot happy. The sensation became rather intense, then it changed. I wouldn't say it faded, but more that it turned into a different sensation. It seemed that for the first time in my sexual life, I was aware of my urethra tube. I felt a pressure build within my g-spot and then the release. My body wanted to fight it, but I didn't allow myself to deny it, instead I opened up through relaxation.
There was no squirting that shot 6 feet across the room, in fact there was no squirting at all. I could feel the liquid running the entire length then come out. It was like a dam had been opened and all the hot fluid just flowed out. It was hot on my skin, and it seemed like it just kept coming and coming. Once it did finally stop, I could feel the muscle contractions surrounding my urethra and my g-spot area. It was strong, and it was deep. The nagging was gone, I was free.
I was still in a little state of shock, wondering if it really had happened. I sat up in bed and looked between my legs. There was a gigantic puddle underneath me. The wet spot was nearly 2 feet long and a foot wide. I couldn't help myself, I had to smell it, I had to know if it was truly cum or if it was pee. There was only a very faint scent, but it didn't smell like much...perhaps a little sweet smelling. It was very slick and actually felt a lot like lubricant. I tasted a tiny bit off my finger and it tasted like weak sugar water.
I was in a state of peace and ready for sleep. I folded a towel in half and lay it over the wet spot as I was too tired to change the sheets at 3:02 in the morning. I cleaned my two toys and put them away, then I crawled into bed. When I lay down, the cum soaked through the doubled over towel. A little annoyed, I took the soaked towel to the laundry room and put a new towel over the wet spot. I soaked the second towel thoroughly as well, and got a third towel to place over the wet spot during the night. I wish I had ejaculated into a measuring cup, just to see how much it actually was. I'm guessing it was a lot because it was my first time.
I wondered if this would be a one time only experience, but I have squirted a second time. This last time it was a little different. For one thing it took me about 30 minutes to get there, and I wasn't really worrying over it or even trying to. This time it did actually squirt though. When my husband comes the semen squirts out with quite a bit of force, and it does it in conjunction with the muscles contractions. My ex before him tended to dribble more than shoot. I heard both are normal, and so I had decided perhaps I was a dribbler after the first time, and now I'm wondering if I'm a shooter...it did shoot about 1.5 feet before landing on the bed. The second time I had a towel under me to catch the cum, but it wasn't enough.
I've decided perhaps a special sex blanket may be in order after all. I honestly thought the Liberator Throes were pretty, but completely unnecessary. Now I've decided that they actually may be worth investing in. I really don't like changing the sheets every time I masturbate. I do doubt I will squirt every single time I masturbate, but the second time was very easy to reach what I had found impossible before. It seemed like I was able to relax and release it at will once I was aroused and close enough to orgasm. The more I do it, the more likely it is that it will become easier to do.
There is some pride in saying "I am a gusher."
The toy I used both times to achieve ejaculation is the G-spot wonder.
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