Monday, December 1, 2008

The odd one out, and proud of it.

I was a little absent during November. Sadly enough I was in a really dark slump. I do think that friggin pastor had something to do with it. My husband (weirdly enough) told him he was just making me feel the phone calls from the minister have ceased. I am ecstatic over it...or I would be if I got ecstatic anymore.

So here I am posting twice in the same day. I am a little lonely (NOT, I am so lonely I feel like I am going to go crazy here...) and I've had some things on my mind lately.

First off, I've noticed that my experiences in all things sexual are contradictory of what everyone else says is the norm. Am I abnormal then? Ha ha ha, me, a little weird? Never ;)

How am I different? Well, something I hear and read about often is that a woman's sex drives fall through the floor while pregnant...mine went through the roof...both pregnancies. I dealt with being sick the entire time with the 6-7 months being the best. During all the time I spent pregnant, all I wanted was sex. My husband was having to hide from me I was making his cock raw with over use. I could never get enough sex during that time. After the baby came, surely I wouldn't feel like having sex then. was still on my mind constantly. Having had a cesarean I wasn't allowed to have sex for 2 months after the baby was born. During that time, I was so horny I was having wet dreams. It is rare for women to actually have wet dreams...dreams that are so erotic and sexual that they result in an orgasm. The postpartum period was the only time in my life I have experienced this, and frankly it sucked. The orgasms were very intense, and it hurt like hell in my post-surgery body.

Anal sex...yes I am one of those women who love anal sex. I always heard how dirty it was, and how taboo and sinful. My boyfriend in high school convinced me to engage in anal sex with him (after telling me my cunt was too lose for him and if I loved him I'd allow him to ram my ass instead). This boyfriend was abusive to me emotionally verbally and sexually. I left him when he started kicking in doors and punching the wall next to my head... Anyways, anal sex with him was NOT enjoyable in the lest...not even a tiny bit. He was usually pretty good about slowing down if it hurt too badly (which it always did because he wasn't using lube and there was ZERO warm up time). However one time I asked him to stop and he refused. He held me down and raped me while I cried and begged him to stop. I can't even describe how badly it hurt, or how worthless I felt because of it. I was so ashamed I didn't even tell my therapist at the time. The first person and only person I told about it was my husband, that is until I started getting into reviewing sex toys and doing this whole blog thing (hasn't been very long actually).

Anal sex took awhile. It always carried so much shame and guilt for me. I still had it stuck in my mind that my vagina was loose and I was always paranoid that my husband was lying when he told me I felt great. After I told him about the rape and the things my ex had told me, he understood why I had such a poor image of my genitals. He started complimenting me about it more (obviously this was before he turned abusive). I refused to even let him give me oral sex until we'd been together for about 6 months. When it did finally happen, I was surprised at how good it felt. My ex before him thought oral sex on a woman meant using the tongue like a penis...I'm not sure he even noticed my clit. I was quite shocked by how good my husband actually was at it, and the comments he would make during made me feel great. He would stop once in awhile to kiss my legs and tell me how great I smelled and tasted.

After I confided in him about my abuse and rape, he began being more vocal during intercourse as well. He began telling me how amazing I felt, that I was very tight down there. I slowly began to believe that he really did love the feel of my body. From all the sex I actually got pretty strong in my PC muscles. It got to the point where I was able to actually push his cock out. I felt very affirmed when I would squeeze on him during sex and he would have to actually strain to thrust because I gripped him so tightly.

As my confidence grew, and we became closer and more intimate with each other, I still had this nagging in the back of my mind. I had allowed my previous "lover" to penetrate me anally, but the man I loved so deeply had not been given that chance. I'll admit, he never even asked me about it. I brought it up. I asked him if he wanted to attempt it. His response was that he was completely satisfied with vaginal sex, but if I really wanted to, he would like to try it just once.

I didn't really do any research into the subject, but I knew that lube and a condom was needed (common sense really). I also knew from being subjected to using the "magic bullet" that bearing down is helpful. A side note about suppositories...I find it hilarious that there is a mini blender that bears the slang name of a pill for your butt :D With that aside now... I will admit, that for only relying on my own common sense and horrible experience from my past, we went about it correctly.

That first run didn't go like my previous experiences had. It was still fairly uncomfortable, but it wasn't painful. I know now that the discomfort was because I was not used to having things go up my butt (let alone a full-fledged cock) and I was nervous and thus still a little tense. My husband did some complaining about the intense pressure on his cock, but otherwise seemed to enjoy it. I wasn't sure what to think honestly. I was so worried what his opinion would be that I didn't even try to enjoy it. I wasn't left sore though, so while it wasn't a complete success it wasn't a failure either. I will never forget what my husband said to me afterwards. "It was very tight, and I really liked it...but I would never chose it over your vagina." I felt very relieved, like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I didn't have to worry about him demanding anal sex from me the way my ex had done.

It was about a year and a half later when we did it again. I wasn't sure why, but I was beginning to see anal sex as incredibly erotic. While we were having intercourse there would always be a thrill if he brushed up against my anus. I wasn't sure why, but I began craving his dick in my ass. I never confessed this to him, but there were a couple times I positioned myself so that his dick (covered with a condom) would poke farther south than he was aiming for. It was a thrill and I would get incredibly turned on by it, though I know he was annoyed with having to put on a clean condom... I didn't want to tell him I wanted to try anal sex again. I was afraid he would think I was dirty for wanting such a thing since we had previously agreed it was something neither of us desired or would seek out.

When I did finally ask him if we could try it one more time, he was a little reluctant, but he agreed. He was very good about warming me up. There was lots of oral sex and some fingering, we had intercourse for a little while until I started feeling that hunger in my ass. He slipped a condom on and we lubed up his penis and my ass. It was pretty tight going in, as I wasn't used to the penetration. The discomfort didn't last very long. Once he got in deeper and started doing very shallow and deep strokes, I felt something I hadn't expected. I felt a very intense sense of pleasure in my anus and up in my rectum where the head of his penis was stroking. It didn't take long until I was in the throws of a very intense orgasm. I wasn't using anything on my clit or in my vagina, not even my hands.

My husband was very shocked as was apparent when he asked "are you really finishing?" I was just as surprised as he was. I never expected it to feel THAT good. My husband never liked anal sex as much as vaginal sex, but there was no denying that he loved giving me those super powerful orgasms. I have been hooked since that time, and have gotten so used to anal sex that my body opens up freely now. All I have to do for warm up on anal sex is put some lube there and my ass sucks the cock right in. Double penetration is a mind blowing experience for me, but that is a whole different post ;)

So, I had always heard that women can not orgasm from anal sex. Men enjoy very powerful orgasms because of prostate stimulation. Where women are concerned however, there is nothing there to stimulate and the G-spot is not easily access through the rectum and vaginal walls. My most powerful orgasms come from anal sex however. I do not need my clit or vagina even touched. I do not feel it in my G-spot either. Different muscles contract with an anal orgasm, and it is deeper and more satisfying for me than clit orgasms or even G-spot orgasms.

Another thing that is different with me, women don't like to swallow cum. Yes, I know, this probably is a little weird, but I can't imagine not swallowing. I don't usually use flavored lubes because I love the way my husbands penis tastes and I don't find the taste of his cum offensive in the least either. He almost never asked for oral sex, but I loved doing it for him. He didn't care much, but I could take him in until my lips pressed his pubic bone. It really hurt me when after the abuse got pretty bad that he would no longer allow me to give him oral sex.

I've heard that the glans (head of the penis) is not as sensitive in circumcised men as it is on men who are not cut. I read tips on giving the perfect hand job, but received pretty bad results when I tried them out on my husband. Turns out his glans is extremely sensitive on his cut cock. Advice for great hand jobs almost always tell you to focus on the glans, but doing this actually hurt him. During blow jobs I had to be careful to not slide my lips over the head too often and during hand jobs it was best to avoid the head altogether. I thought maybe it was because the lube wasn't slick enough and he was receiving too much friction. Super slick lube did help to not tug the skin on his shaft as much, but it didn't help with the sensitivity on his glans. I had to disregard all advice I had gotten and learn how to please him with minimal contact to the head of his me, this is trickier than it sounds.

Okay, this post turned out longer than I was planning. That tends to happen often I'm afraid...oh well :)

Perhaps I'll churn out a review before bed...I think it's about time I review one of the products I bought a few months ago. Sliquid Sizzle perhaps? Yes, I think I just might...

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